I'll Be Sober in the Morning

Article in The Cleveland Plain Dealer

2008-10-17T10:02:00.001-07:00

Ohio native Chris Lamb's political comebacks book a witty look at retorts between candidates

by Tom Feran / Plain Dealer reporter

Tuesday October 14, 2008, 12:50 PM

Ohio native author Chris Lamb
To read a few of the witty responses from the book, click here.
Calvin Coolidge was a New Englander so close-mouthed that he was known as Silent Cal. A woman once accosted him at a White House dinner and gushed that she had told a friend she could get him to say more than two words.
"You lose," he replied.
Joe Biden might have had that story in mind last year when he was asked at a forum about his reputation for "uncontrolled verbosity" and whether he had the discipline for the world stage.
"Yes," he replied.
The one-word answer won laughter from the audience and upended Biden's reputation for long-windedness.
To Chris Lamb, it offers proof that the clever comeback remains alive and potent as a tool in politics.
"It's both a weapon and shield," he said. "You don't want to use it too often as a weapon, or people might think you're mean. But laughter is a wonderful bond."
Lamb started collecting zingers while growing up near Dayton, in a big family where "our place was sort of made by how well we insulted one another." Now a professor of communications at the College of Charleston in South Carolina, he gathered about 200 of his favorites, from Pericles to Putin, in the book "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Putdowns, Comebacks and Ripostes."
"I actually have a list of them, not in the book, from the current campaign," he said. "It's not as bleak as you think it might be. John McCain had some good ones during the Republican primary."
One came, he said, when Mitt Romney insisted he was the GOP's candidate of change, after modifying his positions on abortion, same-sex marriage and other issues.
"McCain chuckled and responded, 'I just want to say to Gov. Romney, we disagree on a lot of issues, but I agree you are the candidate of change.'
"Barack Obama had one of the more important comebacks of the campaign, during a Democratic debate when Hillary Clinton was the frontrunner. He was asked how he intended to move foreign policy in a different direction if elected. Since several of his advisers used to work for Bill Clinton, Hillary started laughing and said, 'I'm looking forward to hearing that, too.' When laughter subsided, Obama replied, 'Well, Hillary, I'm looking forward to you advising me as well.' He got the last laugh."
He's also been having it in the current debates, Lamb said.
"I think Obama is a greater counterpuncher. He's got wit and this incredible skill, very rare in politics, called listening. Because of that he stands out from 98 percent of politicians. He knows when to smile and he knows when to be quiet."
The best comeback lines require listening, a nimble mind, a good sense of humor and timing, Lamb said.
"Winston Churchill said the secret of a spontaneous putdown is that all the best off-the-cuff remarks are prepared days beforehand. Everything is rehearsed. That's where listening comes in, knowing when to use it, like when Obama said, 'I think the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel on that one.' "
The much-quoted Churchill contributed the title to Lamb's book. In a famous exchange after he'd been drinking heavily at a party, Bessie Braddock, a Socialist member of Parliament, harshly said, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk." He retorted, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."
The British have a way with one-liners. Lamb's favorite comeback comes from 18th-century politician John Wilkes. After a rival yelled that Wilkes either would die on the gallows or of venereal disease, Wilkes replied, "That sir, depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

bentsen-quayle 20 years later

2008-10-03T09:36:00.001-07:00

BLOG: The Bentsen-Quayle debate 20 years later
Posted:

Channel 5 News -- Charleston, SC

Oct 2, 2008 05:01 PM EDT
Twenty years ago, Republican presidential candidate George H.W. Bush selected little-known Indiana Senator Dan Quayle as his running mate. The youthful Quayle tried to dismiss concerns about his inexperience by saying that he had as much experience as John F. Kennedy did when JFK ran for president in 1960.
Quayle's advisers cautioned him against using the JFK comparison during his nationally televised debate with Democratic vice presidential candidate Lloyd Bentsen on Oct. 5, 1988. Quayle ignored the advice.
When it was Bentsen's turn to respond, he turned to Quayle and calmly said, "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mind. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."
Bush and Quayle won the election. But Bentsen's putdown will forever be etched in American politics. The Bentsen-Quayle exchange serves as a cautionary tale, particularly for vice presidential candidates Sarah Palin and Joe Biden, as they prepare for their debate on Thursday.
With so much at stake, neither Palin not Biden want to be on the Quayle end of a putdown. Being a running mate means never having to say you're sorry.
According to popular belief, vice presidential candidates don't win debates, they only lose them. But this simply isn't true. As Bentsen demonstrated, the ability to deliver a sharp riposte can be a potent political weapon.
During a 1992 debate between Quayle and Al Gore, the Democratic vice presidential candidate, it was suggested that President Bush, while serving as vice president during the Reagan administration, had played a considerable role in ending the Cold War.
"George Bush taking credit for the Berlin Wall coming down is like a rooster taking credit for the sunshine," Gore responded.
When Republican vice presidential candidate Dick Cheney debated Joe Lieberman, Gore's running mate, in 2000, Lieberman responded to the high salary that Cheney had made as an executive for Haliburton by suggesting that he, too, had considered giving up public office for the private sector.
"I'll try to help you do that," Cheney responded.
Cheney's remark revealed that Cheney indeed had a sense of humor - something that had thus far been rumored but had never before been witnessed.
If either Palin or Biden wants to have to have the last laugh on Election Day, they don't want to end up a punch line in their debate on Thursday. Nor can they afford having voters asking the same questions independent candidate Ross Perot's running mate Admiral Robert Stockdale asked the American people during the 1992 vice presidential debate. "Who am I?" Stockdale said. "Why am I here?"
Chris Lamb, associate professor of Communication at the College of Charleston in Charleston, SC. Chris Lamb is the author of I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes

Slashing one-liners, Charleston Post and Courier

2008-09-29T04:40:00.001-07:00

Slashing one-liner could stop hapless candidate cold
By Lauren Santander
The Post and Courier
Friday, September 26, 2008
Memorable quips
--In 1988, during a debate between GOP vice presidential candidate Dan Quayle and his Democratic counterpart, Lloyd Bentsen, a reporter asked Quayle about his relative lack of political experience. Quayle answered that he had as much experience as John F. Kennedy did when he sought the presidency in 1960. When it was Bentsen's turn to respond, he calmly said, "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mind. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."
--During one of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, Stephen Douglas told their conservative audience that he had once seen Lincoln selling whiskey. When it was his turn to speak, Lincoln made no attempt to dispute the charge. He agreed that he had once worked as a bartender. "I was on one side of the bar serving drinks," he said, "and Douglas was on the other side, drinking them."
--When President Ronald Reagan ran for a second term in 1984, he was in his 70s, and critics questioned whether he had the vitality for the office. During a television debate between Reagan and his Democratic challenger, Walter Mondale, a reporter raised the issue of age to Reagan. "I want you to know that I will not make age an issue of this campaign," Reagan replied. "I am not going to exploit for political purposes my opponent's youth and inexperience."
The mounting interest surrounding the first presidential debate between Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain presents a historic opportunity for one of the candidates to deliver a verbal knock-out or a zinging one-liner.
After all, a good comeback can hobble a political foe and garner the speaker free exposure when the quip is endlessly replayed on cable news. In the YouTube age, the potential for a catchy comment to go viral is even greater.
Chris Lamb, professor of communication at the College of Charleston, said that both candidates have a chance to sneak in a jab, but to be effective it needs to be short and offensive and leave the other candidate searching for dignity.
"In the dog-eat-dog world of politics, you want to make your opponent a fire hydrant," said Lamb, author of the book "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes."
South Carolina's own, former Sen. Fritz Hollings, scored one memorable line during a forum for Democratic candidates in 1984. After Sen. John Glenn talked at length about his historic orbital flight as an astronaut in 1962, Hollings asked: "But what have you done in this world?"
Still, a badly timed or poorly delivered quip can backfire on a candidate, Lamb said.
"If it goes off script, people in the audience might think you're too mean, or worse, stupid," he said. "No one wants to look like a Dan Quayle."
In the 1988 vice presidential debate, Quayle famously compared himself to John F. Kennedy, drawing a biting rebuke from his opponent, Lloyd Bentsen.
Charles Bierbauer, dean of the College of Mass Communications and Information at the University of South Carolina, said that a good comeback can show voters that a candidate has a sense of humor, which can make them appear more genuine.
"People want to see and respond to a real human being," said Bierbauer, who worked as a CNN White House correspondent for 20 years. "They want to see someone respond to an unexpected question."
Self-depricating humor also can make a candidate seem sympathetic and make an audience laugh, both of which can help get them elected, Lamb said.
"We vote for who we like," he said. "Laughter is a wonderful bond."
Reach Lauren Santander at lsantander@postandcourier.com.

Book review, Akron Beacon-Journal

2008-09-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

'Sixty Five Roses' tells poignant tale of survival
September 28, 2008

Election wit compiled
''Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy.'' Lloyd Bentsen's 1988 dig at Dan Quayle was just one line in a long, proud history of ''great political comebacks, putdowns and ripostes'' in I'll Be Sober in the Morning, a compilation of bons mots by Kettering native Chris Lamb.
The wit of Roman orators, plenty of quick thinking by Lincoln and Churchill and a smattering of relative unknowns provide engaging reading for an election season. I'll Be Sober in the Morning (195 pages, softcover) costs $15 from http://www.frontlineltd.com.

Column, The State (Columbia, SC)

2008-09-23T09:27:00.001-07:00

The art of political humor
By CHRIS LAMB - Guest Columnist
On Oct. 5, 1988, Dan Quayle, the Republican vice presidential candidate, and Lloyd Bentsen, the Democratic vice presidential candidate, debated one another on national television. When a reporter questioned Quayle about his relative lack of political experience, Quayle responded by saying, “I have as much experience in Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency.”
Bentsen turned to Quayle and responded: “Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mind. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.”
Twenty years later, Bentsen’s line remains arguably the best known comeback line in modern politics. It should serve as a cautionary tale for presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama and their respective running mates, Sarah Palin and Joe Biden, as they prepare for their debates. In the dog-eat-dog world of politics, nobody wants to be on the Quayle end of a put-down.
The ability to deliver a sharp riposte that leaves a rival red-faced and speechless can be a potent political weapon. And in modern American politics, few were the equal of former U.S. Sen. Fritz Hollings of South Carolina.
Hollings once found himself on an elevator with the diminutive and incredibly vain Sen. John Tower of Texas. Tower puffed out his chest to show off the expensive suit he had just purchased.
“What do you think?” Tower gushed.
“Does it come in men’s sizes?” Hollings quipped.
During one of Hollings’ re-election campaigns, he was debating Republican challenger Henry McMaster when McMaster inexplicably challenged Hollings, then in his 70s, to take a drug test. “I’ll take a drug test,” Hollings snapped, “if you’ll take an IQ test.”
Hollings won the debate and the election.
During his presidential run in 1984, Hollings and the other Democratic candidates were discussing their qualifications before a crowd of voters. After U.S. Sen. John Glenn of Ohio droned on at length about his historic orbit as an astronaut in 1962, Hollings turned to Glenn and snapped, “But what have you done in this world?”
Hollings got the laughs but not the nomination.
This raises the flip side of the cautionary tale, this one for those politicians with rapier wits: Those who live by the rapier wit often die by the rapier wit. It’s doubtful that Hollings received any invitations to the White House during the Bill Clinton administration after famously saying that Clinton was “as popular as AIDS in South Carolina.”
During a television interview on the ABC program, “This Week With David Brinkley,” reporter Sam Donaldson, who wore an artless hairpiece, began grilling Hollings about the expensive suit he was wearing. “Senator, you’re from the great textile-producing state of South Carolina,” Donaldson said. “Is it true you have a Korean tailor Let’s see the label in there.”
Without missing a beat, Hollings responded: “I bought it right down the street from where you got that wig.”
When the program ended, Hollings turned to a press aide and said: “Take a long look around this studio. We won’t be invited back here any time soon.”
Dr. Lamb, a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston, is the author of I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes (Frontline Press). He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu,

Column, Charleston City Paper

2008-09-23T09:22:00.001-07:00

SEPTEMBER 17, 2008
The art of the political put-down
The Last LaughBY CHRIS LAMB
Comments (0) Mail Article Print Article Add to favorites
ALSO IN GUEST COLUMNIST
Twenty years ago, Republican presidential candidate George H.W. Bush selected little-known Indiana Sen. Dan Quayle to be his running mate. The youthful Quayle tried to dismiss concerns about his inexperience saying that he had as much experience as John F. Kennedy did when he sought the presidency in 1960.
Quayle's advisers cautioned him against using the JFK comparison when he debated Democratic vice presidential candidate Lloyd Bentsen, but on Oct. 5, 1988, Quayle compared himself to Kennedy during a nationally televised debate. When it was Bentsen's turn to respond, he turned to Quayle and calmly said, "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."
The ability to deliver a sharp riposte has long been a potent political weapon. John Wilkes, the 18th-century British political reformer, was engaged in a hostile exchange with a bitter rival, John Montagu, who shouted, "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox." To which Wilkes responded, "That, sir, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistress."
To this day, no one has delivered a comeback so devastating, though some, like Winston Churchill, have come close. As the story goes, Churchill was involved in a testy exchange with Nancy Astor, a member of Parliament. At one point, Astor snapped, "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee." Churchill replied, "If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it." Churchill did not merely want to silence Astor, he wanted her to remember the exchange and keep it in mind if she ever considered challenging him again.
Few politicians practiced the art of the political put-down as well as Sen. Ernest "Fritz" Hollings. During a 1986 debate between Hollings and his Republican challenger, Henry McMaster, McMaster inexplicably challenged Hollings, then in his 70s, to take a drug test. "I'll take a drug test," Hollings snapped, "if you'll take an I.Q. test."
Such exchanges are rare today, in part, because politics is more scripted. But such exchanges have always been rare because the best comeback lines require at least four qualities — a good ear, a nimble mind, a sharp sense of humor, and good timing.
Unlike negative ads, which are sucker punches, sharply worded comeback lines are counter punches. They require that someone else strike the first blow. The best comeback lines, therefore, are spontaneous, or at least appear to be spontaneous. Churchill understood the secret behind the spontaneous comeback. "All the best off-the-cuff remarks," he said, "are prepared days beforehand." With this in mind, Democratic and Republican advisers should be carefully watching their opponent's speeches.
Both McCain and Obama delivered memorable comeback lines during the primaries.
During a debate among Republican hopefuls in January, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, who had modified his positions on abortion, same-sex marriage, and other issues prior to seeking the party's nomination, insisted that he was the GOP's "candidate of change." A chuckling McCain responded, "I just want to say to Gov. Romney, we disagree on a lot of issues. But I agree you are the candidate of change."
In December, during a debate among Democratic Party hopefuls, Obama was asked how he could create a significantly different foreign policy, given that several of his advisers once worked for President Bill Clinton. "I want to hear that," Sen. Hillary Clinton chimed in, provoking laughter. Obama paused for a moment and then replied, "Well, Hillary, I'm looking forward to you advising me as well."
It was Obama, of course, who got the last laugh.
Chris Lamb, a professor of communication at the College of Charleston, is the author of "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes." He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu.

Review, Fiction Addiction blog

2008-09-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

Palin & Political Wit
September 4, 2008
by fictionaddictionblog
One of the notable features of Sarah Palin’s speech at the Republican National Convention last night was her use of humor. Several commentators have noted how she delivered cutting attacks against Obama with a smile and even turned that humor on herself with her joke about hockey moms.
Whether you are a Palin fan or looking for ways to use her own tactics against her, I recommend I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns & Ripostes, edited by College of Charleston professor Chris Lamb (Frontline Press, paperback, $15.00).
Check availability of I’ll Be Sober in the Morning at Fiction Addiction

Review, Creative Loafing magazine

2008-09-23T09:11:00.001-07:00

Creative Loafing
Charlotte, North Carolina
7/23/2008

Frontline Press, a new book publisher in the Charleston area, starts off with a bang with this clever, hilarious collection of "Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns & Ripostes" through the ages, snazzily illustrated by artist Steve Stegelin. The book's title comes from a famous remark by Great Britain's Winston Churchill. He had been drinking heartily at a party when he accidentally bumped into a Socialist member of Parliament, Bessie Braddock, who told him, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!" Churchill, not too drunk to be witheringly funny, replied, "And Bessie, you are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning."
That kind of cutting wit fills the book, ranging from fifth century BC orator Pericles being smacked down by his nephew Alcibades for being old-fashioned to Vladimir Putin telling George W. Bush, who urged the Russian President to allow more democracy in his nation, that "We certainly would not have the same kind of democracy as Iraq." In between, classics abound, such as writer Dorothy Parker's tête-à-tête with conservative Congresswoman Claire Booth Luce. When the two political adversaries arrived at the door of a New York restaurant simultaneously. Luce moved aside and cattily said, "Age before beauty," to which Parker replied as she walked past, "And pearls before swine."
Anyone interested in humor and politics ought to get a kick out of I'll Be Sober In The Morning. Anyone who isn't, well, what's wrong with you? Let's end with one more quip from Churchill, who was asked if he was thrilled by the large crowds he was drawing to his speeches. "It is quite flattering," said the Prime Minister. "But whenever I feel this way I remember that if instead of making a political speech, I was being hanged, the crowd would be twice as big."

Why I'm a Democrat

2008-09-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

WHY I'M A DEMOCRAT

I don't know exactly when I became a Democrat but, if there was such a moment, it probably came years ago when I was driving a cab.
I was standing outside a bus station shortly after midnight one morning with three other cabbies. Two were middle-aged guys who had probably been driving cabs for years. The other was younger than I. He was wearing khakis and an Izod shirt. He looked like he had taken a wrong turn at fraternity row.
At some point, a woman staggered out of bar across the street and began walking toward us. When I noticed her again, I was surprised how little progress she'd made. I then saw why. She would take a step or two forward and then one to the side, or maybe backward. I chuckled cynically. I had just seen "To Kill a Mockingbird," where there's a scene with a rabid dog that creeps unsteadily down a street. The woman reminded me of that dog.
The four of us continued to wait quietly in the fog. The only thing moving was the woman -- and she was barely moving.
As she crossed the street, she passed under a street light, and I saw her face. Her wild gray hair looked like it had never seen a brush her lifeless face was scrunched up like an accordion. She had the thumb of her right hand in her toothless mouth.
She kept coming toward us, two steps forward, one step to the side. As she got closer, I became anxious - not scared - but a little anxious. I had never seen anyone who looked so sad.
I thought she probably knew the older cab drivers and was on her way to see them. But when she got within 10 feet, the older guys walked away, leaving me and the frat guy to deal with her. She stopped about a foot from us, stared, and then pulled away her hand from her face.
"I've never had a baby," she said quietly.
Those few words tingled my spine and extremities as if I'd just jumped into an ice-cold lake. I tried to say something but I couldn't.
"I've never had a baby either," the guy in the khakis and Izod shirt said with a chuckle. "But who needs them? They're nothing but trouble." I wished I'd said that.
But she continued to stand there, staring. I wanted to walk away but I couldn't move. Then she spoke again.
"I've always wanted a baby," she said.
This time her voice felt colder; it was even quieter and sadder. Again, I couldn't say anything. I hoped the other guy would say something.
"Ma'am," he said, "I can't give you a baby. But I can buy you a cup of coffee."
He then gently took her by the arm and they walked into the bus station.
I didn't see either the woman or cab driver again. But I often think about that night. Sometimes, if I see somebody doing something nice for someone, I think about that guy in the khakis and Izod shirt. Sometimes, when I do something nice for someone, I think about him. How can you see something like that and not be changed?
And on that night, I think, is when I became a Democrat.
The Democratic Party, when it is at its best, provides a cup of humanity to those who need it. It feeds those who are hungry. It protects those who need protecting. It provides hope for those who have lost theirs. And, by doing so, we are reminded that there, but for the grace of God, any one of us could be that woman in the darkness.

examiner.com review

2008-08-19T05:55:00.001-07:00

RANDOM REVIEW: I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, & Ripostes
POSTED August 14, 7:51 AM
amazon.com
Election day is still months in the future, yet the cliches are already flying as thick and fast as confetti at the Republican National Convention:
"I'm the candidate for change!""America needs new leadership!""I represent the working-class families of America!"
The years may change, but the same, tired old lines stay the same.
Chris Lamb's new book, I'll Be Sober In The Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes is a deliciously irreverent antidote to the banalities of this year's crop of Manchurian candidates. From Greek orators to Winston Churchill to recent U.S. presidents, Lamb records some of the wittiest things ever spoken by politicians.
The book takes its name from a devastating blow dealt by the all-time King of the Comeback, Winston Churchill. Churchill found himself facing Bessie Braddock, a political opponent, at a party where he'd had a drink or three too many:"'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk,' Braddock said harshly. Churchill paused and said, 'And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning.'"
Many of Lamb's examples baldly contradict the common cry that modern politics have become too aggressive and attack-oriented. Compared to many of their historical counterparts, today's politicians are prim lap-dogs of propriety and discretion.During a heated congressional debate in the early 1800s, an opponent of John Randolph jokingly made reference to Randolph's sexual impotence. Randolph's reply? "'Sir, you pride yourself on an ability in which any barbarian is your equal and any jackass immeasurably your superior.'"
Tourism at the Capital would quadruple if the present Congress began to have such debates; tickets would need to be purchased a year in advance.
Lamb does not merely report incidents of politicians going hand to hand; he also includes several politician vs. reporter gems. In an interview related to the Koreagate scandal of the late 1970s, Sam Donaldson (of bad toupee fame) stepped over the line when he asked Senator Fritz Hollings where he had obtained the Korean suit he was wearing. "'Sam, if you want to personalize it,' Hollings snapped, 'I got it right down the street from where you got that wig.'"
Likewise, Lamb does not confine himself to wit emerging from the mouths of men. Female politicians can be equally withering, as Agnes Macphail was in 1921 when she became the first woman elected to the Canadian House of Commons. "One of her male colleagues once pointedly asked her, 'Don't you wish you were a man?' 'No,' Macphail replied. 'Don't you?'"
I'll Be Sober In The Morning is a delightful, laugh-out-loud read. It reminds us that although politics is a serious business, it can also be pretty damn entertaining.
Chris Lamb is a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston in Charleston, South Carolina, where he teaches journalism. I'll Be Sober In The Morning is his fourth book. To find out more about him, contact him at his blog.

Op-Ed on vice presidents, Providence Journal

2008-08-04T05:57:00.001-07:00

Chris Lamb: Bland ambition: A survey of veeps
01:00 AM EDT on Tuesday, July 29, 2008
CHRIS LAMB
CHARLESTON, S.C.
EIGHT YEARS AGO, George W. Bush, then the presumptive Republican candidate for president, put long-time family friend Dick Cheney in charge of finding a running mate. Cheney accepted and immediately went to work by looking around his empty office for the best possible vice-presidential candidate. We know what happened soon thereafter.
Bush-Cheney, of course, won the presidency in 2000 and again in 2004. Cheney, for his part, redefined the vice presidency.
“Most vice presidents are known for doing nothing. Dick Cheney set aside nearly 200 years of constitutional democracy in just two terms, and still found time to go fishing,” said Steve Tally, author of the book Bland Ambitition: From Adams to Quayle — The Cranks, Criminals, Tax Cheats, and Golfers Who Made it to Vice President.
Cheney, according to some pundits and scholars, made himself more pow-erful than the president. He is quite likely the most powerful vice president in American history. This is something of a dubious achievement and demonstrates how far we’ve come since the beginning of the nation.
John Adams, the country’s first vice president, famously said, “My country has, in its wisdom, contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived.” A generation later, when Daniel Webster was offered the vice presidency, he replied, “I do not propose to be buried until I am dead.”
Within the coming weeks or so, both John McCain, the Republican Party’s candidate for president, and Barack Obama, the Democratic Party’s candidate for president, will announce their prospective running mates. Both men insist that they will select someone with the qualifications demanded of a vice president.
But what are the qualifications for a job whose only official duties include breaking ties in the U.S. Senate and attending funerals for heads of state? “You die, I fly,” quipped George H.W. Bush, who served as vice president under President Ronald Reagan. The only clear qualification for a vice president, therefore, is that he or she not be susceptible to air sickness.
“A great man may be vice president, but he can’t be a great vice president because the office itself is unimportant,” said Thomas Marshall, who served as vice president under President Wilson in 1913-1921. Because of this, Tally suggests that the office tends to attract particular kind of politicians. “Bland ambition is not some moderate form of aspiration,” Tally says. “It is their lack of conviction that makes their ambition so bland.”
As Tally points out in his book, vice presidents have made their mark on American history in idiosyncratic ways. Aaron Burr, vice president in Thomas Jefferson’s first term, was indicted for murder while serving as vice president for shooting Alexander Hamilton in a duel. Hannibal Hamlin, Abraham Lincoln’s first vice president, served his country during the Civil War as a private in the Maine Coast Guard. Theodore Roosevelt attended law school while serving as vice president because he didn’t think he would have enough to do otherwise. Two other vice presidents, Schuyler Colfax, in President Grant’s first term, and Spiro Agnew, under Richard Nixon, were indicted for corruption while in office.
It’s tough to be taken seriously as a vice president. But presidents must be taken seriously. Therein lies the rub because if something happens to the president, the vice president ascends to the presidency.
George Herbert Walker Bush, after serving as vice president for two terms under President Reagan, ran for president in 1988. He selected as his running mate little-known Indiana Sen. Dan Quayle, who tried to address concerns about his experience by comparing himself to President Kennedy. When Quayle did this during a television debate with his Democratic counterpart Lloyd Bentsen, Bentsen pointed out what would become painfully obvious: Quayle was no Jack Kennedy.
Quayle went from punching bag to punch line, becoming comfort food for the nation’s comedians during his term as vice president. The thought of Quayle as president, however, was no laughing matter — except to comedians. According to one popular joke, “The Secret Service was under orders that if anything were to happen to President Bush, they were to shoot Vice President Quayle.”
Chris Lamb is a professor of communication at the College of Charleston in Charleston, S.C. and author of I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes ( lambc@cofc.edu).

Monona Doug, blog

2008-07-28T06:04:00.001-07:00

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Political Insults
Labels: Random Stuff, State and national Politics
Inspired by author Chris Lamb's (I'll Be Sober in the Morning by Chris Lamb and Steve Stegelin) appearance on NPR's Talk of the Nation :When Winston Churchill, who liked a few, ran into Socialist Parliament member Bessie Braddock (Battling Bessie - TIME) at a party she said, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk."To which he replied, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."
***An exchange between Churchill and Virginia-born Nancy, Lady Astor:"Winston, if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee.""If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it."
***Lady Astor, his nemesis, was speaking to the House of Commons on agriculture when Churchill interrupted, saying "I'll make a bet she doesn't even know how many toes a pig has."Replied Lady Astor: "Why don't you take off your little shoosies, and we'll count them together."
***The 18th-century political reformer John Wilkes was in a heated exchange with John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia), who shouted "I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox" (venereal disease).Wilkes replied, "That sir, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistress."
***"A sheep in sheep's clothing." - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee
***"He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much." - Jay Leno on George W Bush (George W Bush is the AntiChrist !)
***Of William Jennings Bryan, politician David Houston (David F. Houston - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) said, “One could drive a schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact.”
***Jonathan Aitken had this description for what he considered Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's ignorance of the Middle East: “She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus.”
***"The Hon. leader of the Opposition knows all about butts. He has had his hands on more butts than there are members of this House." – Transport Minister John Crosbie in November 1987 to Liberal Leader John Turner. Crosbie is referring to Turner's 1984 election campaign gaffe on TV when he was caught slapping Liberal MP's Iona Campagnolo's bum.
***And, better still, when asked to distinguish between a misfortune and a calamity Disraeli said: “If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune. If anybody pulled him out, that, I suppose, would be a calamity.”
***About Baroness Thatcher. “When she speaks without thinking,” mused Lord St John of Fawsley, “she says what she thinks.”
***"There but for the grace of God goes God” Winston Churchill on Sir Stafford Cripps.
***George Bernard Shaw send Churchill two tickets to the opening night of his new play, with a note saying, "Bring a friend, if you have one." Churchill returned the tickets with a note saying, "Can't be there first night. Will be there second night, if there is one."
***One could not even dignify him with the name of stuffed shirt. He was simply a hole on the air. - - - George Orwell (about Stanley Baldwin)
***How can they tell? - - - Dorothy Parker (hearing of Calvin Coolidge's death)
***He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. - - - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (about Calvin Coolidge)
***To err is Truman. - - - A popular joke in 1946

Dianosphere, blog of Martin Diano

2008-07-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Political Insult: An Art Form Perfected Over The Centuries
The Political Insult: An Art Form Perfected Over The Centuries

At the 1992 Republican convention, Dan Quayle, upon his nomination as the vice presidential running mate with George H. Bush, proudly declared that he intended to "be a pit bull" in the campaign that year. When Democratic candidate Bill Clinton was asked by a reporter about the remark, he responded, "That's got every fire hydrant in America worried."

To make a stinging comeback when you have been verbally attacted requires quick thinking, wit, courage, and sometimes a bit of preparation.In politics, the political insult has been perfected to an art form.

Here is one from the 18th. century:The 18th. century political reformer John Wilkes was apparently in a heated argument with John Montagu, the Forth Earl of Sandwich, who shouted "I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox." (Pox during that era meant venereal disease.)Wilkes replied, That sir, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistress."

Wow! Not bad.

How about this one from Winston Churchill:When Winston Churchill, who liked to tip a few every now and then, ran into Socialist Parliament member Bessie Braddock at a party she said, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk."To which he replied, "And Bessie, you are ugly. I'll sober up in the morning."

These are a few examples of classic political insults compiled by Chris Lamb, a professor at South Carolina's College of Charleston. Mr. Lamb found so many insults during his research that he complied them all in a book titled "I'll Be Sober in the Morning."

Churchill is widely credited with some of the best insults of all time is said to have thought of some of his beforehand, concludes Professor Lamb.Here's one more Churchill classic: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee,""If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it."

With the presidential race in full swing, let's pay close attention. Let's see if we can determine which of the political insults were preplanned from those that were spontaneous.For all the quips and insults compiled by Professor Lamb, you can purchase "I'll Be Sober in the Morning." from Amazon.com

Review in Creative Loafing

2008-07-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

By John Grooms
Published 07.23.2008http://charlotte.creativeloafing.com/

Frontline Press, a new book publisher in the Charleston area, starts off with a bang with this clever, hilarious collection of "Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns & Ripostes" through the ages, snazzily illustrated by artist Steve Stegelin. The book's title comes from a famous remark by Great Britain's Winston Churchill. He had been drinking heartily at a party when he accidentally bumped into a Socialist member of Parliament, Bessie Braddock, who told him, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!" Churchill, not too drunk to be witheringly funny, replied, "And Bessie, you are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning."
That kind of cutting wit fills the book, ranging from fifth century BC orator Pericles being smacked down by his nephew Alcibades for being old-fashioned to Vladimir Putin telling George W. Bush, who urged the Russian President to allow more democracy in his nation, that "We certainly would not have the same kind of democracy as Iraq." In between, classics abound, such as writer Dorothy Parker's tête-à-tête with conservative Congresswoman Claire Booth Luce. When the two political adversaries arrived at the door of a New York restaurant simultaneously. Luce moved aside and cattily said, "Age before beauty," to which Parker replied as she walked past, "And pearls before swine."
Anyone interested in humor and politics ought to get a kick out of I'll Be Sober In The Morning. Anyone who isn't, well, what's wrong with you? Let's end with one more quip from Churchill, who was asked if he was thrilled by the large crowds he was drawing to his speeches. "It is quite flattering," said the Prime Minister. "But whenever I feel this way I remember that if instead of making a political speech, I was being hanged, the crowd would be twice as big."

I'll Be Sober mentioned in Kathleen Parker column

2008-07-25T07:53:00.001-07:00

Kathleen Parker
Washington Post Writers Group

Subscribe to this Feature
Purchase a Reprint

Laugh, Obama, Laugh July 18, 2008

Oh, for a good riposte.Barack Obama's levity-free reaction to the now-famous New Yorker cartoon leaves one reluctantly wondering: Is he humor-challenged? Perchance, does he take himself too seriously for a nation of wits and wags?So soaring has been Obama's rhetoric and so dazzling his smile that we've missed the possibility that the Illinois senator is less the lanky rock star and more the purse-lipped church lady, clucking his tongue in disapproval of the chuckling masses. His campaign's angry reaction to the magazine cover shows a stunning lack of political dexterity. It wasn't always so. In earlier days, Obama was self-deprecating and light of touch. But something happens as people get closer to Washington, as Obama himself has pointed out in other contexts. A popular story that Obama tells concerns a Las Vegas debate during which he was asked about his weaknesses.Obama answered that he has trouble keeping up with paper, that his desk is a mess. OK, it wasn't knee-slapping hilarious, but it was honest and, therefore, endearing. A real answer from a real person.In contrast, two of Obama's contenders, both Washington veterans, responded to the same question with the kind of painful earnestness that makes dogs cynical. As Obama recounts it, one of them said his biggest weakness was that "I'm just so passionate about helping poor people." The other said, "I'm just so impatient to help the American people solve their problems."Ooph. Obama continues the story: "So then I realize, well, I wish I'd gone last and then I would have known." (Laughter, applause.) "I'm stupid that way, I thought that when they asked what your biggest weakness was, they asked what your biggest weakness was. And now I know that my biggest weakness is I like to help old ladies across the street."Now, that's funny. And there's a reason the other two candidates -- John "passionate" Edwards and Hillary "impatient" Clinton -- aren't leading the Democratic ticket.Obama's self-deprecation was his most charming bit, but lately he is, well, less charming. He and his wife seem more like a finger-wagging principal and teacher tag team, with Michelle Obama promising that her husband will make us work harder when he becomes president. You get the feeling that should the Obamas take over, we'll all be staying after school. They used to call that detention.Of course, John McCain isn't exactly a merchant of mirth. He didn't like the cartoon either, or so he said. Although his usual disregard for politically correct reverence is refreshing, his humor often seems not offbeat, but off-a-beat. Spontaneous jokes, such as his singing "Bomb-Iran-bomb-bomb-bomb," are actually less funny than the fact of his telling (or performing) them. Does he get it?When I hear McCain "being funny," I'm reminded of a booklet of after-dinner jokes my father compiled to help pay his college tuition. The World War II-vintage jokes simply aren't amusing anymore. They belong to another time and place, another set of cultural markers, the common understanding of which is crucial to humor.What's missing -- and much missed -- are the timeless, biting quips of politicians past who put the "rip" in riposte. Classy, biting and pandering to no one, these elder statesmen knew something about language -- and American attitudes -- that we seem to have forgotten.Chris Lamb, a College of Charleston (S.C.) journalism professor and cartoon historian, reminds us with his recent political-comeback collection, "I'll Be Sober in the Morning," that the wicked retort is invariably more effective than righteous indignation. A couple of sample anecdotes:Arizona Sen. Barry Goldwater, told that he couldn't play golf at a Chevy Chase, Md., country club because it was restricted, replied: "I'm only half Jewish, so can't I play nine holes?"Sa-wish.U.N. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson was giving a speech in Dallas when a heckler demanded to know the ambassador's beliefs. Replied Stevenson: "I believe in the forgiveness of sin and the redemption of ignorance."Sublime.There's no better tonic -- nor better defuser of enemy bombs -- than humor. How refreshing it would have been had Obama merely pointed to the New Yorker cartoon and said: "He didn't get my ears right."With a deft trip off the tongue, the cartoon and the baseless controversy would have been rendered impotent, revealed as what they were: laughable. It's not too late. Humor us.

Interview on Talk of the Nation

2008-07-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

Election 2008
Political Junkie: Mastering Political Put-Downs
Listen Now [47 min 5 sec] add to playlist

What's your favorite political put-down?

Talk of the Nation, July 16, 2008 · Winston Churchill may have been the master of the political put-down, but American politicians have delivered their own gems over the years. In this week's edition of the Political Junkie, NPR's Ken Rudin talks about John McCain and Barack Obama's address at the NAACP annual convention, Green Party presidential candidate Cynthia McKinney and the art of the political put-down.
Chris Lamb, professor of communication at the College of Charleston in Charleston, S.C., and editor of I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns & Ripostes, and Kelly Brewington, diversity and demographics reporter for The Baltimore Sun, join the conversation.

Editor and Publisher article on I'll Be Sober in the Morning

2008-07-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

Chris Lamb's 'Putdowns' Book Includes Journalism-Related Content
By Dave Astor
Editor and Publisher
Published: July 15, 2008 12:29 PM ET

NEW YORK Journalism-related content is among the material in the new book "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns & Ripostes."The 195-page paperback is edited by Chris Lamb, whose other books include "Drawn to Extremes: The Use and Abuse of Editorial Cartoons." The communication professor at South Carolina's College of Charleston has also been a staff reporter and freelance contributor for newspapers.Among the passages in Lamb's book: -- In the course of a conversation, a congressman told newspaper editor Horace Greeley that he was a self-made man. "That, sir," Greeley replied, "relieves the Almighty of a great responsibility."-- As a rookie reporter for the New York World, Heywood Broun was told to interview Utah Senator Reed Smoot. "I have nothing to say," Smoot told Broun. "I know," replied Broun. "Now let's get down to the interview."-- After Calvin Coolidge announced he did not choose to run for a second term, reporters pressed him for a more detailed statement. "Exactly, why don't you want to be president again, Mr. Coolidge?" one reporter insisted. "Because there's no chance for advancement," Coolidge explained. -- When reporters asked President George Herbert Walker Bush to display the middle finger from which he was about to have a cyst removed, Bush replied, "Don't tempt me."The book, from Frontline Press in Charleston, is illustrated by Steve Stegelin.
Dave Astor (dastor@editorandpublisher.com) is a senior editor at E&P.

I'll Be Sober in the Morning -- Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

2008-07-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

The Morning File / A mayor who loves both Simon, Garfinkle
Monday, July 14, 2008
By Gary Rotstein, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Craig Ruttle/Associated Press

College of Charleston communications professor Chris Lamb recently compiled a book, "I'll Be Sober in the Morning," based on "great political comebacks, putdowns and ripostes." It is heavy on the humor of Winston Churchill.
For instance, the British statesman's political rival, Nancy Astor, once snapped at him, "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Mr. Churchill's response: "If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it."
Now there's a ringing endorsement
Mr. Lamb's book has just one Pennsylvania reference, but it doesn't reflect any great wit by a Keystone state politician. Instead, former Gov. Robert Casey is the butt of the humor, and he told the joke on himself.
The Scranton-bred Democrat was campaigning for re-election as governor in 1990 in Oil City, far from his power base. He approached a gas station attendant with the standard, "Hi, I'm running for governor" introduction, and asked for his vote.
The man said sure, he'd vote for him. But when Mr. Casey asked why, the attendant explained, "Anybody would be better than the guy that's in there now."
Gary Rotstein can be reached at grotstein@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1255.
First published on July 14, 2008 at 12:47 am

Editorial on political insults, Charleston Post and Courier

2008-07-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

Charleston Post and Courier

The perils of political 'civility'
Friday, July 11, 2008
Commentary decrying an alleged decline of civility in American political discourse proliferates. Yet Joseph Tartakovsky, on The Wall Street Journal's Opinion page last week, makes a persuasive case that what ails our campaign seasons these days is not an excess, but a shortage, of well-delivered "ridicule."
Mr. Tarkakovsky, an associate editor of the Claremont Review of Books, argues: "The political insult is not insinuation, a whisper campaign, or a planted story. It is direct verbal attack, a public performance before a voting audience."
He cited "the flamboyant Sen. John Randolph," who produced this memorable condemnation of Edward Livingston, secretary of state under President Andrew Jackson:
"He is a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt. Like a rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks."
So don't count Mr. Tartakovsky among the legions demanding that Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain, and their allies, fulfill the candidates' mutual pledge, issued five weeks ago, to maintain "a civil discussion" over the next four months.
Mr. Tartakovsky warns: "Civility has a way of creeping into daintiness. If our candidates lose their willingness to spar, their sense of combative humor, will the contest grow more polite, or just less honest?"
And while unseemly rhetorical barbs can turn off some voters, the electorate generally is better informed about the honest essence of candidates who must endure such verbal and written abuse — and is far more engaged in the political process when it isn't cloaked in a prearranged "civility."

Wall Street Journal piece on political insults

2008-07-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

July 2, 2008
OPINION
The Wall Street Journal
In Praise of Political Insults

By JOSEPH TARTAKOVSKYJuly 2, 2008; Page A13
The great American political insult is older than the nation itself. Ben Franklin, writing in 1771 before the States were even United, lamented "Libeling and Personal Abuse, which is of late Years become so disgraceful to our Country." Not even George Washington was spared: Tom Paine raged about his "treachery" and "pusillanimity."
By the time of the third U.S. administration, Thomas Jefferson had seen enough of the democratic officeholder's fate to perceive that "it will rarely fall to the lot of imperfect man to retire from this station with the reputation and the favor which bring him into it." So it has passed.
But insults, unlike imperfect man, are not created equal. In March, Samantha Power, a scholar-activist then on the Barack Obama campaign, called Hillary Clinton a "monster." "You just look at her and think, 'Ergh,'" she elaborated. It is encouraging that she was thrown from the campaign, but her insult was only a disgrace because of its insipidity.
It is an old parlor game to gripe that our political wit fails the coruscating standard of a Benjamin Disraeli or a Winston Churchill. But what, after all, makes for an effective political insult?
The answer is style. Too coarse, and the abuser sounds malicious. Too unimaginative, and the words evaporate en route. Too petty, and the insulter is harmed more than the insultee. Too distant from truth, and it just won't stick. Bill Moyers's jibe that "hyperbole was to Lyndon Johnson what oxygen is to life" is an attempt at wit; the real thing is Bill Buckley's remark that LBJ was a man of his last word. Is Jimmy Carter the worst president the U.S. ever had, or, as William Safire put it, the "best U.S. president the Soviet Union ever had"? Gore Vidal calling Ronald Reagan a "triumph of the embalmer's art" seems itself the triumph of a curdled soul; but even Reagan could laugh when Gerald Ford quipped, "No, Reagan doesn't dye his hair. He's just prematurely orange."
It is one thing for our semiliterate intellectuals to sneer at the current president's locution, and another to remark, as H.L. Mencken did of Warren Harding, that his speech "reminds me of a string of wet sponges . . . It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash." Compare this to Sen. Harry Reid's feeble attempt at scathing wit against President George W. Bush in 2005: "I think this guy is a loser."
Benjamin Franklin Bache, writing in the 1790s, probably our most abusive era, called John Adams a "ruffian deserving of the curses of mankind," which isn't bad. But that's a mere zephyr compared to the storms of James Callender, who called the second president a "hideous hermaphroditical character which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman."
The political insult is not insinuation, a whisper campaign, or a planted story. It is direct verbal attack, a public performance before a voting audience. Its purpose is to stain character, which, in the great personality contests that are elections, is a candidate's most precious asset. Nothing does this better than ridicule.
The flamboyant Sen. John Randolph (1773-1833) was an early master. His famed sallies, like good poetry, present unforgettable images: "He is a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt," he said of Secretary of State Edward Livingston. "Like a rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks." "Never was ability so much below mediocrity so well rewarded," he said of one political appointee. "No, not even when Caligula's horse was made consul." Randolph had a flamboyant 20th-century counterpart in Norman Mailer, who is supposed to have said, "Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world."
We can cheer the fact that these days, newspapers, TV networks, politicians and parties that traffic in scurrility imperil only their own reputations. The spirit of benevolence is upon us: Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama, speaking by phone on June 4, agreed nobly to uphold "civil discussion."
But civility has a way of creeping into daintiness. If our candidates lose their willingness to spar, their sense of combative humor, will the contest grow more polite, or just less honest? The well-turned insult is a necessary and salutary force in politics, a spicy seasoning in an old, force-fed dish. It's a check on pomposity, proof of democratic vitality, a relief from endless electioneering, and a show of intelligence and moderation. The dull and the bigoted are rarely witty.
During a campaign, Henry Adams reminded us, the air is full of speeches and vice versa. Nothing deflates like a happy insult.
Mr. Tartakovsky is an associate editor of the Claremont Review of Books.

review of I'll Be Sober in the Morning -- Barnes and Noble

2008-07-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Customer Reviews
Number of Reviews: A reviewerA reviewer, a journalist & political columnist, 01/06/2008
I'll Be Sober in the Morning is the best book of political humor I have seen this year -- in several years, to be exact. I wish that our current crop of politicos was as clever, sage and insightful as the wags quoted in this great little book.

Reviews of I'll Be Sober in the Morning

2008-07-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

22 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
Countless retorts and hilarious vocal burns, May 7, 2008
By
Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews
Upon stumbling in on a nude Winston Churchill as he was a guest in the white house, Churchill said to Franklin Delanor Roosevelt "The Prime Minister of Britain has nothing to hide from the President of the United States." - "I'll Be Sober In the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Put downs, & Ripostes" shows that some of the most powerful men in the world have also have been some of the most sharp-witted. Filled cover to cover with countless retorts and hilarious vocal burns, and charmingly illustrated by Steve Stegalin, "I'll Be Sober In the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Put downs, & Ripostes" is highly recommended to humor shelves everywhere with a nod to political studies shelves.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
Really Fun Book, June 11, 2008
By
W. C. McCormack "redsoxfan" (Portsmouth, NH, USA) - See all my reviews
Loved this little book - it reads quickly, and is a great compendium of comebacks and putdowns by the rich and famous. Good stocking stuffer for pursuers of political trivia, opponents of the politically correct, and for those like me who always say "I wish I'd said that!". I only wish it had been longer.

2008-06-28T07:58:00.001-07:00

From The Independent

2008-06-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

By Edel Coffey
Saturday May 24 2008
This week's exchanges in the Dail are unlikely to find a place among the all time greatest parliamentary smack-downs. They certainly have a long way to go before they catch up with the likes of these historic phrases:
Winston Churchill probably wins the award for conjuring some of the wittiest political insults. One of his best was surely when an assistant knocked on his toilet door to say the Lord Privy Seal wanted to see him. Churchill replied, "Tell the Lord Privy Seal I am sealed in my privy and can only deal with one shit at a time."
Another famous insult was directed at Lady Astor, who said to Churchill, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." Churchill replied, "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
Benjamin Disraeli and his rival William Gladstone came up with some stinging one-liners. When asked to distinguish between the meaning of a misfortune and a calamity, Disraeli said. "If Gladstone fell into the Thames that would be a misfortune. If anybody pulled him out, that, I suppose, would be a calamity."
Taoiseach Brian Cowen can also come up with a witty put-down or two, having once described Fine Gael and Labour meeting in Mullingar to commemorate the Mullingar accord as having "a cup of coffee to celebrate the anniversary of having a cup of coffee". John Bruton too was able to dish it out. In 1994 he said, "If the Air Corps had a frequent flyer programme, government ministers could probably get to the moon and back on their accumulated points."
Last year, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez described George Bush as "more dangerous than a monkey with a razor blade" and also asked, "Who would be the greater fascist: Hitler or Bush? They might end up in a draw."
Bertie Ahern always just about managed to stop short of using really bad language, which tended to give his insults a watered-down ineffectualness. When he lost his temper in June 2006 with Socialist Party TD Joe Higgins, the most offensive slur he came up with was the term 'nitwit'. Addressing Mr Higgins, he said, "You have a failed ideology, you have the most hopeless policy that I ever heard pursued by any nitwit. You are a failed person, you were rejected and your political philosophy has been rejected and you're not going to pull people back into the failed old policies that you dreamt up in south Kerry when you were a young fella. Now go away."
Put next to the scathing wit of Churchill and Disraeli, Bertie's comment is about as inoffensive (and effective) as a playground taunt. -- EDEL COFFEY
- Edel Coffey
Share
Digg
del.icio.us
Google
Stumble Upon
Facebook
Reddit
Print
Email
Text Size
Normal
Large
Extra Large

Associated Press story

2008-06-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

Political insults and repartee featured in new book
BYLINE: By JOSEPH B. FRAZIER, Associated Press Writer
SECTION: ENTERTAINMENT NEWSLENGTH: 548 words
"I'll Be Sober in the Morning" (Frontline Press Ltd. 195 pages. $15), edited by Chris Lamb:

The political insult, the repartee, the comeback is a nimble fencer's epee in from out of nowhere, out in a flash, intended to unstuff shirts, slice and dice egos and leave the recipient humbled, dazed and speechless, preferably in public.
They've been around for centuries, and Chris Lamb, a professor of communications at South Carolina's College of Charleston, has culled some examples of the best of a low art form just in time for the fall campaign.
Some we know by heart.
When Winston Churchill, who liked a few, ran into Socialist Parliament member Bessie Braddock at a party she said, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk."
To which he replied, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."
Hence the title.
Equally famous:
"Winston, if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee."
"If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it."
But it is the lesser-known comebacks in "I'll be Sober" that make it so much fun.
They generally are not remarks made on the offensive but in reply to inadvertent openings by dimmer wits.
Churchill, credited with some of the best, said many of the classics likely were thought of beforehand. Lamb goes further, suggesting some may have been created after the fact or not at all, but that facts shouldn't ruin a good story.
Lamb says he weeded out the clearly apocryphal ones. Some retain an air of civility. Some don't even try. A few have, over time, been attributed to others.
A sampler:
A diplomat walked into Abraham Lincoln's office and saw the great man shining his own shoes, and remarked, "Mr. President, you black your own boots?"
"Yes, Lincoln replied. "Whose boots do you black?"
Here's Churchill again, uncharacteristically on the receiving end:
Lady Astor, his nemesis, was speaking to the House of Commons on agriculture when Churchill interrupted, saying "I'll make a bet she doesn't even know how many toes a pig has."
Replied Lady Astor: Why don't you take off your little shoosies, and we'll count them together."
After the 1992 Republican convention Dan Quayle declared that he intended to "be a pit bull" in the upcoming campaign.
When Bill Clinton heard the news, he said "That's got every fire hydrant in America worried."
Will Rogers once approached President Warren Harding, whose administration was awash in scandal, saying "I would like to tell you all the latest jokes."
"You don't have to," Harding replied. "I appointed them all to office."
The portly queen of Tonga attended the 1953 coronation of Queen Elizabeth II and when she passed Churchill in the procession she was accompanied by a small boy.
"Who's that?" a companion asked. "Her lunch," Churchill grumbled.
And finally:
The 18th century political reformer John Wilkes was in a heated exchange with John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, who shouted "I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox" (venereal disease).
Wilkes replied, "That sir, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistress."
"There is no record of Montagu's response," Lamb said. "He probably put what was left of his manhood in a thimble and skulked away. To this day, none has delivered a comeback so devastating and so spontaneous."
Touche!

posted on Politics.Online

2008-05-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

The focus of the Weekly Netpulse is to report on how technology is affecting politics, but since one of our local boys, Chris Lamb in Charleston SC, came out with his new book, I'll be Sober in the Morning, filled with political putdowns, comebacks and ripostes, we haven't been able to put it down.In the fifth century BC, Alcibiades debated his uncle, the Greek orator Pericles. "When I was your age, Alcibiades, I talked just the way you are now talking," Pericles said. "If only I had known you, Pericles," his nephew said, "when you were at your best."

Review in News Blaze

2008-05-21T10:36:00.001-07:00

News Blaze.com
May 21, 2008
Send to a friend
I'll Be Sober In The Morning Book Review
By Michelle Kerns

Election day is still months in the future, yet the cliches are already flying as thick and fast as confetti at the Democratic National Convention:
"I'm the candidate for change!"
"America needs new leadership!"
"I represent the working-class families of America!"
The years may change, but the same, tired old lines stay the same.
Chris Lamb's new book, I'll Be Sober In The Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes is a deliciously irreverent antidote to the banalities of this year's crop of Manchurian candidates. From Greek orators to Winston Churchill to recent U.S. presidents, Lamb records some of the wittiest things ever spoken by politicians.
The book takes its name from a devastating blow dealt by the all-time King of the Comeback, Winston Churchill. Churchill found himself facing Bessie Braddock, a political opponent, at a party where he'd had a drink or three too many:
"'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk,' Braddock said harshly. Churchill paused and said, 'And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning.'"
Many of Lamb's examples baldly contradict the common cry that modern politics have become too aggressive and attack-oriented. Compared to many of their historical counterparts, today's politicians are prim lap-dogs of propriety and discretion.
During a heated congressional debate in the early 1800s, an opponent of John Randolph jokingly made reference to Randolph's sexual impotence. Randolph's reply? "'Sir, you pride yourself on an ability in which any barbarian is your equal and any jackass immeasurably your superior.'"
Tourism at the Capital would quadruple if the present Congress began to have such debates; tickets would need to be purchased a year in advance.
Lamb does not merely report incidents of politicians going hand to hand; he also includes several politician vs. reporter gems. In an interview related to the Koreagate scandal of the late 1970s, Sam Donaldson (of bad toupee fame) stepped over the line when he asked Senator Fritz Hollings where he had obtained the Korean suit he was wearing. "'Sam, if you want to personalize it,' Hollings snapped, 'I got it right down the street from where you got that wig.'"
Likewise, Lamb does not confine himself to wit emerging from the mouths of men. Female politicians can be equally withering, as Agnes Macphail was in 1921 when she became the first woman elected to the Canadian House of Commons. "One of her male colleagues once pointedly asked her, 'Don't you wish you were a man?' 'No,' Macphail replied. 'Don't you?'"
I'll Be Sober In The Morning is a delightful, laugh-out-loud read. It reminds us that although politics is a serious business, it can also be pretty damn entertaining.
Chris Lamb is a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston in Charleston, South Carolina, where he teaches journalism. I'll Be Sober In The Morning is his fourth book. To find out more about him, contact him at his blog.
Have you heard a great comeback, putdown, or riposte lately? I'd love to hear it too-I need a good laugh before Election Day. Send it to michellekerns@surewest.net.
Paperback: 195 pages Publisher: Frontline Press, Ltd.; 1st edition Language: English ISBN-10: 0972382941
Michelle Kerns is a freelance book, music, and movie reviewer.

Hillary Clinton and the Hee-Haw Democrats

2008-05-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

In the 1980s, America had the Reagan Democrats. In 2008, after claiming that convincing wins in West Virginia and Kentucky demonstrate that she had the stuff to win the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton has the Hee-Haw Democrats.

article in the Hanover Evening Sun, 5/18/2008

2008-05-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

Charisse: The art of political attack
By MARC CHARISSE Evening Sun Editor
Article Launched: 05/18/2008 04:06:11 AM EDT

The Earl of Sandwich, John Montagu, was embroiled in angry debate with John Wilkes, an 18th-century political reformer.
"Sir," Montagu charged, "I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox."
"That, sir, depends," Wilkes shot back, "on whether I first embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistresses."
No, they just don't make political jabs like they used to. Modern pundits decry the coarsening of our political discourse, but it seems to me most politicians have gotten as thin-skinned as the rest of our too-quick-to-take-offense society.
Consider the furor late last week over a George Bush speech to Israeli leaders. Bush likened those who would negotiate with terrorists or those who support them with politicians who tried to appease Hitler on the eve of World War II.
I'm no big fan of the president's, but it didn't sound to me like a scurrilous personal attack on Barack Obama, whom he didn't even mention by name.
The Democrats, however, wasted no time acting all hurt and insulted.
Obama called it a "false political attack," as though the issue of negotiating with Iran or Hamas could be reduced to a true-false test question. Sure, the comment could have political repercussions, but it didn't seem all that out of line for a speech in Israel, where the issue has daily political relevance.
Still, Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean thundered that Republican candidate John McCain must
distance himself from the president's remarks. You'd think Bush had called Obama himself a terrorist.
I guess we should come to expect hurt feelings in a thin-skinned political culture, in which politicians themselves stick closely to scripted banalities, lest they say something actually interesting - and potentially damaging.
But it wasn't always that way. We used to admire the pointed political attack, and the cutting comeback - in our rough-and-tumble culture of plain-spoken democracy. In his recently released "I'll be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns and Ripostes," communications professor Chris Lamb reminds us that the attack was once considered high art to be admired, rather than apologized for.
The book takes its title from the famous exchange between Bessie Braddock, a Socialist member of the British Parliament and Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Churchill, the story goes, had been drinking heavily at a party when Braddock scolded, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk."
"And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly," Churchill replied. "I'll be sober in the morning."
Churchill, one of the more successful politicians of the 20th century, well deserves his numerous entries in Lamb's book. Consider this exchange with the American-born politician Nancy Astor:
"If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee," she scolded.
"If I were your husband, I'd drink it," he replied.
Lamb traces the fine art of political invective all the way back to the fifth century B.C., when Alcibiades debated his uncle, the great Athenian orator Pericles.
"When I was your age, Alcibiades, I talked just the way you are now talking," Pericles said condescendingly.
"If only I had known you, Pericles," Alcibiades replied, "when you were at your best."
And such comebacks have long been a part of American political history.
Kentucky Congressman Henry Clay and Massachusetts Sen. Daniel Webster were sitting outside a Washington hotel where they watched a man walk by with a pack of mules.
"Clay, there goes a number of your Kentucky constituents." Webster quipped.
"Yes," Clay retorted, "they must be on their way to Massachusetts to teach school."
A few modern American politicians - too few - have had memorable comebacks as well.
During a television debate against incumbent U.S. Sen. Fritz Hollings in 1986, his opponent, Henry McMaster, challenged him to take a drug test.
"I'll take a drug test," Hollings responded, "if you'll take an IQ test."
As Lamb put it in a recent radio interview, "You want to leave your opponent red-faced and stammering and left [to] sort of pick up the pieces of their manhood in a thimble and go skulking off in silence."
Silence might be too much to hope for from a politician these days, but I'd settle for a memorable line now and again.

article in The National Journal , 5/17/2008

2008-05-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

POLITICS
Zing! An Old Weapon Gathers Dust
Today's scripted and choreographed negative campaigns just aren't in the same league as the let 'er rip oratory of old.
by Randy Barrett
Sat. May 17, 2008

"Going negative" has become the countercharge du jour in the Democratic presidential primarython, but the spitballs traded by Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton pale in comparison to the memorable artillery exchanges of politics past.
Today's genteel attacks are typically delivered by surrogates and countered by a flurry of press releases. The broadsides, if they can be called that, are studiously couched and thoroughly prefabricated. In earlier times, insults were often off-the-cuff and delivered face-to-face--and occasionally settled with firearms.
In 1827, former Rep. Robert Brank Vance of North Carolina quarreled with his successor, Rep. Samuel Carson, during a re-election debate. Vance was running to regain his seat, and he lambasted Carson for supporting public funding to rebuild Alexandria, Va., which had suffered a major fire. The tense meeting ended with Vance calling Carson a "coward." Vance fell to Carson's dueling pistol three weeks later.
Most often, words alone proved ample ammunition to lay an enemy low. The testy and eccentric Sen. John Randolph of Virginia possessed a famously acid tongue and often devoured his unfortunate opponents, much to the entertainment of Washington's elite during the early 19th century. "He is a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt," Randolph famously said of Secretary of State Edward Livingston. "He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight."
Such poetic put-downs were commonplace. "Oratory was more grandiloquent in the 19th century," Senate Associate Historian Donald Ritchie says. "That included invective as well as praise." Nineteenth-century politicians did have one escape route from intemperate remarks uttered against colleagues, Ritchie adds. Such attacks were often quietly removed from the Congressional Record at night by the offending lawmaker--a move that was generally regarded as an apology.
Few politicians delivered one-liners to devastating effect better than Rep. Thomas Reed, R-Maine, who served as speaker of the House from 1889 to 1891 and again from 1895 to 1899. Unimpressed by two lawmakers, Reed once commented: "They never open up their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." To a member of his own party who had bungled the handling of a bill, he said (in a Maine drawl), "You are too big a fool to lead and you haven't got the sense enough to follow." Both quotes are cited in Alvin Josephy's book On the Hill: A History of the American Congress.
Reed is credited with forcing tough new quorum rules on the House that made the chamber more efficient and the speakership more powerful. But his tendency to verbally flay his contemporaries ultimately derailed his career. "People enjoyed it, but Reed stung enough people that it hurt him personally," says Randy Strahan, an associate political science professor at Emory University. Reed sought the White House in 1896 but failed to win the Republican nomination.
"People would laugh [with] Reed, but they were afraid they'd be the next target," Ritchie says.
Political-insult connoisseurs agree that zingers work best when they are personal, accurate, and funny. "A good insult leaves your opponent red-faced, mumbling, and sweeping up what pieces of his manhood are left on the floor," says Chris Lamb, an associate communications professor at the College of Charleston and the editor of I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns & Ripostes. "It's a tattoo that says, 'I'm a boob.' "
Sen. Chauncey Depew of New York once looked at President Taft's immense girth and asked what he intended to name the child when it was born. "If it's a girl, I shall name it for my wife," Taft replied. "If it's a boy, I will name him Junior. But if it is, as I suspect, just gas, I will call it Chauncey Depew."
Abraham Lincoln exhibited a self-deprecating sense of humor to great effect. During one of his famed debates with Sen. Stephen Douglas, his opponent called him "two-faced." Replied Lincoln: "I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?"
The arrival of C-SPAN TV cameras on the House floor in 1979 (and in the Senate in 1986) dramatically altered the nature of verbal jousting between politicians, some experts say. And the digital 24/7 mass-media machine has made everyone even more cautious. "Public figures now are not encouraged to be witty or spontaneous," says Robert Dawidoff, a history professor at Claremont Graduate University.
Republican political consultant Bill Greener thinks that the problem goes deeper. "There is a draining of the sort of tongue-in-cheek affection for the other side--that you're both on the playing field."
John McCain is well known for his astringent asides about colleagues, but so far in the presidential campaign he has kept a tight rein on his tongue. Obama and Clinton have been equally careful. Has the political zinger become a lost art?
Lamb says no, but he thinks that the climate isn't as conducive to verbal swordplay as it once was. "A hundred and fifty years ago, politicians didn't have their every word and movement choreographed by consultants and pollsters who make sure [everyone] stays on message and doesn't say or do anything they might regret in the morning," he points out.
The political landscape has also grown more culturally complex, says Democratic strategist Anita Dunn. "In the old days, you only had white Protestant males running," she says. "There was no diversity, and candidates didn't have to worry about gender or ethnic or religious differences."
Despite the rough-and-tumble aspect of politics, modern voters appear to be more uncomfortable with ad hominem attacks than their lever-pulling forebears. "They don't want things to appear personal," Dunn says. "The personal pejorative is now seen by voters as extraordinarily mean-spirited, and it produces a backlash."
The media are quick to amplify the opprobrium, and that isn't necessarily a good thing, says Larry Sabato, director of the Center for Politics at the University of Virginia. He feels that negative attacks that are factually correct serve a useful purpose for the electorate. "In order to have a complete picture, you need both" positive and negative information about a candidate, he contends.
Sabato scoffs at the notion that discourse between candidates should always be sunny and polite. "That's laughable," he says. "Politics is the rough, cutting edge of democracy. It's our substitute for coups d'etat and riots in the streets."
Effective zingers have changed the game even in modern politics. President Reagan completely defused the issue of his advanced age with this showstopper against his 1984 rival, Walter Mondale: "I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." Mondale smiled weakly--and could never bring the issue up again. He went on to lose the election by a landslide.
According to Greener, Reagan's advisers warned him that he would face the age question in the debate, and the president assured his handlers he was ready for it. He delivered the line with the timing of the trained actor he was. "Reagan knew how to use silence as a tool," Greener says.
Other comebacks have worked equally well, notably Democratic Sen. Lloyd Bentsen's slam of Republican Sen. Dan Quayle, who made the mistake of comparing himself to President Kennedy during their vice presidential debate in 1988. "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy," Bentsen replied. "I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." Still, Bentsen and Michael Dukakis lost the election and Quayle went on to be vice president, although the Hoosier's later bid for the White House flopped.
The tart-tongued Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., says that the best insults are delivered ad lib. "Zingers really have to be spontaneous," Frank told National Journal. "If it's effective, it's got to be based on something peculiar to" your target. When done right, "it's embarrassing and undercuts people."
Frank has been unafraid to skewer Republican presidents and members of his own party alike. Of President Bush's Iraq policy and problems with the nation's economy, Frank said in 2004, "Rather than the boy who cried wolf, George Bush is the reverse. He claims that there is nothing wrong when there is. He's the boy who cried, 'Nice doggy.' "
Other modern lawmakers have been equally good--and hilarious--on their feet. In 1990, then-Sen. Ernest Hollings, D-S.C., unexpectedly found himself being grilled about his suit by ABC newsman Sam Donaldson on This Week With David Brinkley. "Senator, you're from the great textile-producing state of South Carolina," said the obviously toupeed Donaldson. "Is it true you have a Korean tailor? Let's see the label in there."
Without missing a beat, Hollings responded: "I bought it at the same place right down the street ... where you got that wig, Sam."
When the program ended, Hollings turned to his press aide and said sagely, "Take a long look around this studio. We won't be invited back here any time soon."

Interview with National Public Radio, 5/12/2008

2008-05-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

National Public Radio
Morning Edition
5/12/2008

Political Comebacks: The Art of the Putdown
Listen Now [4 min 36 sec] add to playlist

Morning Edition, May 12, 2008 · Politicians are known for delivering a scripted message. Those who stray far from their prepared remarks often find themselves in trouble. But a select few who dare can make a point with quick wit.
Daniel Webster, the 19th century orator, had this to say when offered the vice presidency: "I do not propose to be buried until I am dead."
That's one of the quips from a collection called, I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns and Ripostes.
The title comes from a particularly biting comment from a master of political wit, Winston Churchill.
As the book's editor, Chris Lamb, warns, political sparring is not for the faint of heart.
"The wit here is very mean-spirited," Lamb tells Renee Montagne. "A good comeback … you want to leave your opponent red-faced and stammering and left [to] sort of pick up the pieces of their manhood in a thimble and go skulking off in silence."
Churchill makes frequent appearances in the book. The British prime minister "could be so cruel and he would use his humor definitely as a weapon," Lamb says.
Such as in this exchange with Nancy Astor, an American-born politician in England:
Astor once shouted at Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
His response: "If I were your husband, I'd drink it."
During one of his campaigns against President Eisenhower, Adlai Stevenson was approached by a supporter.
"Governor, every thinking person will be voting for you," she told Stevenson.
"Madam, that's not enough," he replied. "I need a majority."
Lamb says only a small group of politicians are good at the witty comeback. "It comes probably through seasoning, it comes from paying attention, and it comes perhaps from a heart that's a little darker than others," he says.
Excerpts: 'I'll Be Sober in the Morning'
by Chris Lamb

Enlarge

Steve Stegelin
Daniel Webster (left) and Henry Clay exchanged putdowns involving mules.

Politicians have been slinging barbs at one another, at reporters, hecklers and critics for at least 2,500 years, as I'll Be Sober in the Morning documents. There are nearly 200 comebacks, putdowns and ripostes in this little book. Here is a sampling.
Winston Churchill had been drinking heavily at a party when he bumped into Bessie Braddock, a Socialist Member of Parliament.
"Mr. Churchill, you are drunk," Braddock said harshly.
Churchill paused and said, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."
* * *
Henry Clay was sitting outside a Washington hotel with Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster.
They watched a man walk by with a pack of mules and Webster remarked, "Clay, there goes a number of your Kentucky constituents."
"Yes," Clay replied, "they must be on their way to Massachusetts to teach school."
* * *
John Wilkes, an eighteenth-century political reformer, was involved in a particularly angry exchange with John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. "Sir," Montagu exclaimed, "I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox!"
To which Wilkes responded, "That, sir, depends on whether I first embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistresses."
* * *
During a television debate against incumbent U.S. Senator Fritz Hollings in 1986, Republican candidate Henry McMaster challenged his opponent to take a drug test.
"I'll take a drug test," Hollings responded, "if you'll take an IQ test."
* * *
In the fifth century B.C., Alcibiades debated his uncle, the Greek orator Pericles.
"When I was your age, Alcibiades, I talked just the way you are now talking," Pericles said.
"If only I had known you, Pericles," Alcibiades replied, "when you were at your best."
* * *
At the Versailles Peace Conference in 1919, Georges Clemenceau held out for the harshest terms against Germany. Someone pointed out that historians would be arguing for generations over who was responsible for starting the Great War.
"Yes," Clemenceau said, "but one thing is certain: They will not say that Belgium invaded Germany."
* * *
During one of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, U.S. Senator Stephen Douglas called Abraham Lincoln "two-faced."
To which Lincoln replied, "I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?"
* * *
Just after the 1992 Republication National Convention, Vice President Dan Quayle revealed that he planned to be "a pit bull" in the upcoming campaign against the Democratic presidential candidate Bill Clinton and his running mate Al Gore.
When Clinton was asked for his reaction, he replied: "That's got every fire hydrant in America worried."
* * *
When the Reverend Edward Everett Hale was chaplain of the U.S. Senate, he was asked if he prayed for the Senators.
"No," he said. "I look at the Senators and pray for the country."
* * *
Once when television reporter Andrew Kirtzman was interviewing New York Mayor Ed Koch, the reporter pressed the mayor on an inconsistency.
Finally, Koch, a bit frustrated, leaned closer to the reporter and said, "I can explain this to you; I can't comprehend it for you."
* * *
A foreign diplomat walked into Abraham Lincoln's office while the president was polishing his shoes.
"Mr. President!" the startled diplomat said with disdain, "you black your own boots?"
"Yes," Lincoln said, "whose boots do you black?"
* * *
Playwright George Bernard Shaw invited Winston Churchill to the first night of his newest play, enclosing two tickets: "One for yourself and one for a friend – if you have one."
Churchill wrote back, saying he couldn't make it, but could he have tickets for the second night – "if there is one."
* * *
U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller was presiding at a church conference when an audience member rose and began a tirade against universities and education, saying that he gave thanks to God that he had never been corrupted by any contact with a college.
"Do I understand the speaker thanks God for his ignorance?" Fuller interrupted.
"Well, yes, if you want to put it that way," the man answered.
"Then," Fuller replied, "you have a great deal to be thankful for."
* * *
The conservative Winston Churchill was often at odds with Clement Attlee, leader of the Labor Party, which advocated a greater role for government in economic policy. Churchill once entered a men's room to find Attlee standing at the urinal. Churchill took a position at the other end of the trough.
"Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?" Attlee asked.
"That's right," Churchill responded. "Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it."

review, Small Press Bookwatch

2008-05-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'll be Sober in the Morning.
Small Press Bookwatch • May, 2008 •

Upon stumbling in on a nude Winston Churchill as he was a guest in the white house, Churchill said to Franklin Delanor Roosevelt "The Prime Minister of Britain has nothing to hide from the President of the United States."--"I'll Be Sober In the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Put downs, & Ripostes" shows that some of the most powerful men in the world have also have been some of the most sharp-witted. Filled cover to cover with countless retorts and hilarious vocal burns, and charmingly illustrated by Steve Stegalin, "I'll Be Sober In the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Put downs, & Ripostes" is highly recommended to humor shelves everywhere with a nod to political studies shelves.

posted on politicsonline, april 24, 2008

2008-04-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

Political Banter - New to the PoliTicker

The focus of the PoliTicker is to report on how technology is affecting politics, but since one of our local boys, Chris Lamb in Charleston SC, came out with his new book, I'll be Sober in the Morning, filled with political putdowns, comebacks and ripostes, we haven't been able to put it down.We found this excerpt particularly relevant in lieu of the 2008 Presidential election and the debatable topic of experience over electability: When General Ulysses S. Grant expressed his contempt for a certain officer, another general protested that the man in question had been through ten campaigns. "So has that mule, yonder," Grant snapped, "but he's still a jackass." Buy it on Amazon.com for 15 bucks.

Toledo City Paper on humor and Ohio politics

2008-03-14T04:41:00.001-07:00

Ohio has contributed much to political humor

by Chris Lamb

published March 5th 2008

During a meeting with President Warren Harding, whose administration was tainted by scandal, comic Will Rogers said, "I would like to tell you all the latest jokes, Mr. President."
"You don't have to," Harding answered. "I appointed them all to office."
Harding’s response may have been his greatest contribution as president.
As every Ohio schoolchild knows, no state has produced more presidents than Ohio. One wonders where America would be today without William Henry Harrison, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William Howard Taft, and Harding.
Without Harding and the others, the American presidency and American politics would have been deprived of some of its best wisecracks and wittiest responses. As the state approaches the March 4 primary, it’s only fitting that we remember Ohio’s contributions to political humor.
To wit:
After President James Garfield was wounded by an assassin’s bullet, he lay on his death bed for several weeks, restricted to a diet of oatmeal and lime water. When Garfield was told that the great Indian Sitting Bull was starving himself in captivity, Garfield snapped. “Let him starve.”
A moment went by, and the president added, “Better yet, send him my oatmeal.”
Before Grant was president, he was one of the Union Army’s top generals during the Civil War. He also was one of the Union Army’s top drinkers.
A temperance committee demanded that President Abraham Lincoln fire Grant because the general drank too much whiskey.
Lincoln paused for a moment and said, "Well, I wish one of you would tell me what kind of whiskey Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to every one of my generals."
As a general, Grant did not bear fools well. He once expressed his contempt for a certain officer. Another general protested that the man in question had been through ten campaigns.
"So has that mule, yonder,” Grant snapped, “but he's still a jackass."
Grant retained his dark humor while president. In 1875, Grant officially opened the State Department building, which was hideous in its architecture. A guide, who proudly gave Grant a full tour of the building, said, "One thing more, Mr. President. The building is fireproof."
"What a pity," Grant replied.
Ohio has the dubious distinction of having four of its presidents die in office before finishing their first term. Harrison and Harding died of natural causes. Garfield and McKinley were each assassinated.
McKinley inspired great loyalty – and apparently wit -- among his supporters when he ran for president.
During the 1900 Presidential Election between Democrat William Jennings Bryan and the Republican McKinley, a Democratic speaker announced confidently that Mrs. Bryan would be sleeping in the White House after Inauguration Day.
The Bryan supporter was then interrupted by a GOP supporter, who yelled, "If she is, she'll be sleeping with McKinley."
McKinley was succeeded by Teddy Roosevelt, who was succeeded by William Howard Taft, who was the last Ohioan to serve as president – though but not the last to run for president.
Most recently, Rep. Dennis Kucinich ran twice for the presidency. Other candidates got more votes but few got more laughs than Kucinich, an amateur ventriloquist who also does a killer Donald Duck voice – qualities rarely found in world leaders.
In a nod to his Eastern European roots, Kucinich famously once called the three pillars of civilization “polka, bowling and kielbasa.” Kucinich, who does not however eat kielbasa or any meats or dairy products, was once asked if he thought the Food and Drug Administration was always working in the best interests of the American people, Kucinich shook his head and replied, “That’s why I’m a vegan.”
Chris Lamb, a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston in Charleston, S.C., is the author of “I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes.” He grew up in Kettering, Ohio, and received his Ph.D. from Bowling Green State University.

article from Tallahassee Democrat

2008-03-14T04:37:00.001-07:00

March 13, 2008
Political put-downs just aren't what they used to be
Bill Cotterell
Capitol Curmudgeon
Tallahassee Democrat

The sad thing about the resignation of a top Barack Obama adviser who called Hillary Clinton "a monster" is not the schoolyard name-calling. It's the fact that political invective has lost so much wit and bite in this TV-and-Internet age.
If Samantha Power had spoken from prepared remarks, if she just had a few seconds to reflect, surely the Harvard professor would have come up with a devastating bon mot. The situation called for something that would, at once, raise the spectre of the Clintons' ruthless reputation and belittle it as the backroom politics of yesterday.
A really good put-down is a thing of beauty in politics. Just last Sunday, on the CBS program "Face the Nation," Bob Schieffer was lamenting how far we've fallen since Harry Truman called his critics "snollygosters." That's good stuff. We don't know what it means, we just know it's bad.
Around the same time, there was Alice Roosevelt Longworth's memorable description of New York Gov. Thomas E. Dewey as "the little man on the wedding cake." Historians dispute whether she really said it, but it captured the priggish aloofness of Dewey's public image (another critic said he "could strut sitting down") while simply calling him "little."
A good put-down that cloaks the speaker in virtue upstages the other side. When some in Congress didn't want to seat a Mormon member from Utah, even though he did not practice polygamy, a garrulous old Georgia senator rose in his defense. "I don't see why we should hold po-liggamy against mah distinguished friend when he don't, personally, po-lig," the senator said, "especially considering that many of y'all who are supposed to be monogamous don't, personally, mo-nogg."
The best verbal body-slam of modern politics occurred when the late Lloyd Bentsen levelled Dan Quayle with his famous, "I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." Quayle's wide-eyed response was lost in applause but on target — the remark was uncalled for, as he never said he'd be another JFK.
Sometimes the best lines are self-inflicted. Here in Tallahassee, former House Speaker Don Tucker tells a good one on himself.
Tucker, known as much for sartorial elegance as his sharp tongue, said he was studying himself in a mirror one day and asked his wife, "Do you know how many really great men there are in America?"
"Oh," she replied, "probably one less than you think."
Some really great men have had the gift of thinking on their feet with compelling imagery.
Winston Churchill once said that an empty car pulled up to the prime minister's house and Clement Atlee got out. And when Bessie Braddock, a socialist member of Parliament, told Churchill he was drunk, he replied, "And, Bessie, you are ugly . . . I'll be sober in the morning."
That's the title — "I'll be Sober in the Morning" — of a wonderful little book by Chris Lamb, a communications professor at the College of Charleston. Lamb has collected "great political comebacks, put-downs and ripostes" from Pericles to President Bush.
He relates how Theodore Roosevelt, as an ex-president, attended a royal funeral in London. Kaiser Wilhelm asked Roosevelt to visit him the next day, "but be there at 2 o'clock sharp, because I can give you only 45 minutes."
"I'll be there at 2 sharp," TR one-upped him, "but I can give you only 20 minutes."
In Supreme Court arguments on the "false light" libel doctrine last week, an attorney told the justices about a suit brought against New York editor Horace Greeley by James Fenimore Cooper. Whatever injury there may have been, Greeley compounded it by saying he was confident of defending against a libel suit whether Cooper filed it in New York, "where my character is well-known," or in his home county, "where his character is well-known."
Pride, even egotism, makes for good one-liners. Lamb relates how a French citizen told President Charles de Gaulle that "my friends are not content with your policies."
"Well, change your friends," le grande Charles replied.
A woman gushed to Adlai Stevenson that "every thinking person will be voting for you," and he replied, "Madam, that is not enough. I need a majority." Stevenson was known for his wit, but that kind of haughty disdain for average voters must have helped him lose, twice, to President Eisenhower.
It's no coincidence that the decline of the clever comeback has accompanied the rise of high-speed communication. Lincoln, Henry Clay, both Roosevelts and Churchill didn't have e-mail or cable TV to contend with, or Saturday Night Live to take a spin on their every comment and deed.
In the old days, the best giant-killer ripostes became legend via word-of-mouth, reports in newspapers and magazines days or weeks after the fact and, no doubt, were embellished or tarnished in the retelling by friend and foe. No live TV or video replays for Churchill or Lincoln.
"Monster" belongs in pro wrestling, not presidential campaigning, despite their sometime similarities.
It shouldn't have to be a resignation offense. But surely campaign 2008 can give us better invective than that.
Contact Bill Cotterell at (850) 671-6545 or bcotterell@tallahassee.com.

from Beaumont (TX) Enterprise, 2 March 2008

2008-03-10T04:34:00.000-07:00

Texas' sense of political humor

Twenty years ago, during a television debate between vice presidential candidates Republican Dan Quayle and Democrat Lloyd Bentsen, Quayle tried to deflect questions about his youth and inexperience by comparing himself to President John F. Kennedy."I have as much experience as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency," Quayle said. Bentsen famously turned to Quayle and said, "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."
Bentsen won the exchange but George Herbert Walker Bush and Quayle defeated Michael Dukakis and Bentsen in the presidential election in November. When asked why the Democrats could not carry his home state of Texas, Bentsen responded, "I just wasn't able to convince enough voters that `Dukakis' was Greek for `Bubba.'"

Bentsen's line about Quayle, however, will forever be etched in American politics - and it left Quayle forever tainted as a both a punching bag and a punch line for comedians, satirists and commentators.

It's worth noting that Quayle would be largely forgotten had it not been for Bentsen and George H.W. Bush, another Texan (albeit a transplanted one), who chose Quayle as his running mate.

Without Texas, American politics would have been deprived of some of its best wisecracks and comebacks. As the state approaches the March 4 primary, it's only fitting that we remember Texas' contributions to political humor.

To wit:

When the infamous Huey Long was governor of Louisiana, he informed James "Pa" Ferguson, then governor of Texas, "If there had been a back door at the Alamo, there wouldn't have been a Texas.""But," replied Ferguson, "there was a back door - and that's why there's a Louisiana."

No state has cast as big a shadow over the nation's politics over the last half-century than Texas - and few politicians cast as big a shadow as Lyndon Johnson.

In the 1950s, U.S. Senators began installing phones in their cars as a symbol of status. When Republican Minority Leader Everett M. Dirksen got his phone, he immediately called Democratic Majority Leader Lyndon Johnson

"Lyndon," Dirksen said smugly, "I just got a car phone. I thought I'd make my first call to you.""Just a minute, Ev," Johnson replied, "while I answer my other phone."

LBJ always got the last word - except with his family.

LBJ and his family believed that he would be the Democratic Party's nominee for president in 1960. But the nomination went to JFK, who was to be formally nominated at the party's convention in southern California. Johnson would instead be JFK's running mate. Johnson's mood darkened when one of his daughters was late returning from Disneyland. As the Johnsons hurried for the convention, LBJ groused, "We didn't come out here to see Disneyland." "I know," his daughter answered dejectedly. "But we didn't come out here to see you run for vice president either."

George W. Bush, while born in Connecticut, grew up in Texas and developed a dislike for the Eastern news media.

"I don't read half of what you write," he once told reporters. "We don't listen to half of what you say," one of the reporters responded. Bush then answered, "That's apparent in the half of what I read."

Chris Lamb is a professor of communication at the College of Charleston. He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu

review -- International Titles

2008-02-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

International Titles
931 East 56th St. / Austin / TX / 78751-1724 / USA
Fax: (512) 467-1330 / Email: lessary@internationaltitles.com / Tel: (512) 451-2221
History / Humor
• I’ll Be Sober in the Morning, Great Political
Comebacks, Putdowns, & Ripostes
Chris Lamb, Editor
Who knew being mean
could be so funny?
For thousands of years, politicians have
been exchanging barbs with one another,
with the press, public and critics. Chris
Lamb has colleted nearly 200 of their best
shots, from Pericles to Vladimir Putin, in
this little book of novelty and wit.
The title comes from an exchange Winston
Churchill had with Betsy Braddock, an
adversary and Socialist member of
Parliament.
.Mr. Churchill, you are drunk,. Braddock
scolded.
.And Betsy, you are ugly, Churchill
responded. .You are very ugly. I.ll be
sober in the morning..
.A delightfully humorous collection of
political putdowns and comebacks that
will make you wish you had said that.
while providing wonderful ammunition for
further encounters!..John Palmer,
former news anchor, .Today Show. host.
Soft cover, 195 pages. U.S. price $15.
Frontline Press, Ltd.
All rights available.
International Titles
931 East 56th St. / Austin / TX / 78751-1724 / USA
Fax: (512) 467-1330 / lessary@internationaltitles.com / Tel: (512) 451-2221
History / True Stories about the Old West

praise for i'll be sober in the morning

2008-02-26T11:37:00.000-08:00

Books in the Mail
Tue, 02/19/2008 - 15:35 — katina.strauch
"I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, & Ripostes," edited by Chris Lamb, illustrated by Steve Stegelin. Charleston, SC: Frontline Press, 2007. 9780972382946. $15. 195 p.
Cris Lamb is a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston where he teaches journalism. You all know how I like quotes. Well, this is a hilariously charming book of responses to something said or done. Check it out! Here's one of my favorites: "Daniel Webster, when offered the Vice Presidency in 1828, indignantly replied: "I do not propose to be buried until I am dead."
Books in the Mail
katina.strauch's blog
Login to post comments

disraeli

2008-02-25T06:46:00.000-08:00

Re: The art of a political putdownPosted By RICHARD NAGLE on 12/28/2007 at 10:54 AMA London Times journalist told British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli that a parliamentary opponent was denigrating the PM because Disraeli was a Jew. Disraeli commented, "Yes, I am a Jew. And you may tell that gentleman that while his vaunted British ancestors were painting themselves blue and worshipping oak trees, mine were in the temple of Solomon debating the nature of the cosmos."

campaign songs

2008-02-22T11:11:00.001-08:00

Politics make you feel like dancing?Campaign songs add color to message-->
By Robert Behre (Contact)
The Post and Courier
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Now that the red lights of the presidential candidates' buses are long gone from South Carolina, it's time to analyze an often-overlooked aspect of their campaigns: which rock 'n' roll songs they chose to play.
Frankly, the candidates' tastes ranged from cleverly fitting to the rather obvious to the downright puzzling — sometimes at the same rally.
For instance, Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode" seemed a natural for Arizona Sen. John McCain, who often played it in his successful push toward winning this state's GOP primary.
But another musical selection at his victory rally at The Citadel was a bit more puzzling: ABBA's "Take a Chance on Me."
Blaring rock songs have become a staple of many modern campaign appearances. They fire up the crowd, pump energy into a room and stall for time until the candidate can show up for his or her speech.
"Rock 'n' roll is the devil's music, which is precisely why presidential campaigns should play rock music," joked Christopher Lamb, a College of Charleston communications professor and author of the book, "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes."
Lamb said instead of candidates playing a song such as
"Honesty," he would prefer they actually practice it instead. Actually, no campaign played that Billy Joel standard, and they also shunned other rock classics like Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff,"
Eric Clapton's "Cocaine," or The Beatles' "Taxman."
"I think you've barely scraped the surface," Lamb said, adding that he also didn't hear anyone play Janet Jackson's "Nasty," Radiohead's "Creep," the Eurythmics' "Would I Lie to You?" Isaac Hayes' "Theme from Shaft" or Green Day's "American Idiot."
North Carolina Sen. John Edwards — whose campaign deliberately played up the fact that he was born in South Carolina — often employed Jon Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home." In an interview, he told The Post and Courier that it was his favorite song on the campaign trail.
Just a day later, the state's Democratic voters basically told him that yes, you can come home, but you still might finish no better than third when you do.
When Illinois Sen. Barack Obama held a rally at the College of Charleston in January, it was sunny and 78 degrees — a dramatic change from the wintry weather in the earlier states of Iowa and New Hampshire.
So it was a natural that his campaign blared U2's "It's a Beautiful Day." Just in case some in the audience weren't aware of his campaign theme, he also played India Arie's "There's Hope" and Earth Wind and Fire's "Shining Star." Obama shied away from ABBA, even though their names sort of rhyme.
Sen. Hillary Clinton's campaign used at least one song that Obama also used: "Suddenly I See," by K.T. Tunstall, but it made more sense when she used it, since it's about a woman.
Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani didn't use songs as much during his campaign stops here, not even the Clash's "Rudie Can't Fail." Maybe that was because it was a different spelling — or maybe he had a premonition that he would in fact fail here, finishing in sixth place.
Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee plays the bass guitar, but his musical skills have not helped him much in collecting GOP delegates.
"Maybe he just hasn't found the right song," Lamb said, "or the right singer."
Tom Scholz, the chief songwriter and founder of the band Boston, actually wrote Huckabee last week complaining that he was using Scholz's 1970s smash hit "More Than a Feeling" without his permission.
"Boston has never endorsed a political candidate, and with all due respect, would not start by endorsing a candidate who is the polar opposite of most everything Boston stands for," wrote Scholz, adding that he backs Obama. "By using my song, and my band's name, Boston, you have taken something of mine and used it to promote ideas to which I am opposed. In other words, I think I've been ripped off, dude!"
Fred Bramante, who was chairman of Huckabee's New Hampshire campaign, called the allegations ridiculous. He said he attended dozens of Huckabee rallies in New Hampshire and other states and never heard Huckabee play "More Than a Feeling," other than when former Boston band member Barry Goudreau campaigned with the governor in Iowa in October.
"Governor Huckabee plays 'Sweet Home Alabama.' Does that mean Lynyrd Skynyrd is endorsing him? He plays 'Louie Louie.' Does that mean The Kingsmen are endorsing him? To me, it's ridiculous," Bramante said. "Never once has he said, 'The band Boston endorses me.' "
Lamb said he hasn't met anyone who bases his vote on which songs a candidate plays, but he said voters might have used songs to rule them out.
"When (Independent candidate Ross) Perot began playing Patsy Cline's "Crazy," it reminded voters too much of Perot," Lamb joked. "There are worse ways to pick a president, and America has obviously found them."
The Associated Press contributed to this report. Reach Robert Behre at 937-5771 or at rbehre@postandcourier.com.

McCain calls Romney "candidate of change"

2008-01-30T04:25:00.001-08:00

The attacks turned personal when McCain delivered a sharp jab at Romney's latest strategy of attempting to position himself as the "change" candidate.
"I just want to say to Gov. Romney, we disagree on a lot of issues, but I agree you are the candidate of change," McCain said, a veiled swipe at Romney's new positions on on abortion and same-sex marriage.

McCain -- Romney

2008-01-29T13:31:00.000-08:00

When asked about one of Mitt Romney's attacks in New Hampshire, Mr. McCain responded with a quip: "Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty - and the pig likes it."

in politics, no comedian left behind

2008-01-29T06:09:00.001-08:00

OrlandoSentinel.com
Chris Lamb
Special To The Sentinel
January 27, 2008

Eighty years ago, humorist Will Rogers said it was becoming harder to tell the difference between politicians and comedians. "Everything is changing," Rogers said. "People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

His words are at least as appropriate today as they were in his day.Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee recently told Stephen Colbert, host of The Colbert Report, that he owed his popularity to the comedy program.

Huckabee said he gained in the polls among Republican candidates after an earlier appearance on the show."The only reason I'm the front-runner now is because of the Colbert bump," the straight-faced former Arkansas governor said. "Were it not for that I would not be sitting in this chair. I would probably be somewhere serving hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant."

Huckabee, hoping for another bump in popularity, asked Colbert to be his running mate."Yes," Colbert responded, "a thousand times yes."

Huckabee and Colbert were only kidding -- I think.

But as the line blurs between comedy and politics, how soon before we take seriously a Huckabee-Colbert -- or even a Colbert-Huckabee -- ticket?

Colbert was once a presidential candidate himself. When he announced his candidacy last fall, he challenged traditional presidential campaigns. For one thing, Colbert said he was running as a Republican and a Democrat -- or a Republicrat.Second, he said he planned to run only in his home state, South Carolina, testing the old political maxim, "As South Carolina goes, so goes southern North Carolina and parts of eastern Georgia."

Colbert's candidacy was aborted when the state Democratic Party refused to put his name on the ballot. Party leaders groused that Colbert would make a mockery out of the political process. When pressed further, the Democratic Party officials conceded they could make a mockery out of the political process without any help from outsiders.

If Huckabee really were to select Colbert as his running mate, it would, of course, go against tradition. America prefers its vice presidents to be punch lines and not comedians -- at least not professional comedians.

Vice presidents -- such as Dan Quayle -- traditionally make their greatest contribution to humor, not politics.Quayle, who served as President George Herbert Walker Bush's vice president, made it easy for comics. Comics didn't have to come up with their own material; they only had to quote Quayle.

For instance, Quayle famously referred to the National Negro College Fund's slogan of "A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste" by saying: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind -- or not to have a mind. . . . How true that is." Quayle once defended his verbal gaffes by saying, "I stand by all my misstatements." How true that is.

Will Rogers ran for president in 1928 as the candidate of the "Anti-Bunk Party." But bunk won. Forty years later, in 1968, Pat Paulsen, another comedian, ran for president. But Richard Nixon was elected, and the joke was on us.

Now, 40 years later, given the state of the country, maybe it's time we put a professional comedian in the White House.The future of the country is too important to be put in the hands of amateurs.

Chris Lamb is a professor of communication at the College of Charleston in South Carolina. His most recent book is "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes." He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu. PHOTO: PAT PAULSEN PHOTO: WILL ROGERS -->

Obama-Clinton exchange

2007-12-30T06:28:00.000-08:00

During a debate between Democratic presidential hopefuls this month, Sen. Barack Obama said he would move U.S. foreign policy in a different direction if elected. He was asked how he would do this because several of his advisers once worked for President Bill Clinton.

Sen. Hillary Clinton, the wife of the former president and the Democratic frontrunner, laughed out loud and said, "I'm looking forward to hearing that."

The comment drew loud laughter from the crowd.

Obama waited for the laughter to subside and then responded, "Hillary, I'm looking forward to you advising me as well."

Obama got the last laugh.

Mike Huckabee-Chuck Norris

2007-12-30T06:24:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee jumped from relative obscurity among Republican presidential candidates to become the party's front runner in the early primary states of Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Huckabee owes at least part of his rising popularity to a television commercial where he and actor Chuck Norris trade straight-faced characteristics about the other.
"Mike Huckabee is a life-long hunter, who will protect our Second Amendment rights," Norris sternly says. Huckabee then responds, "There's no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist." Norris counters with, "Mike Huckabee wants to put the IRS out of business." And Huckabee adds, "When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down . . . Chuck Norris doesn't endorse, he tells America how it's gonna be."
Is Huckabee saying that we should vote for him because Chuck Norris says so? Well, maybe, but probably not.
Huckabee said he wanted the ad to increase interest in his campaign. This has certainly happened. News programs continue to run the ad at no cost to the Huckabee campaign. The ad also has had nearly a million hits on U-Tube. Huckabee also said he wanted to remind voters that presidential campaigns should be fun.
Nothing is undervalued in political campaigning as much as humor - unless it's honesty.

Orlando Sentinel -- Humor Pulls No Punches

2007-12-30T06:13:00.000-08:00

Humor pulls no punches: Campaign ads can tickle political funny bone
Chris Lamb
Special To The Sentinel
December 23, 2007

A few weeks ago, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee jumped from relative obscurity among Republican presidential candidates to become the party's front-runner in the early primary states of Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Huckabee owes at least part of his rising popularity to a television commercial where he and actor Chuck Norris trade straight-faced characteristics about the other.

"Mike Huckabee is a life-long hunter, who will protect our Second Amendment rights," Norris sternly says.Huckabee then responds, "There's no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist."

Norris counters with, "Mike Huckabee wants to put the IRS out of business."

And Huckabee adds, "When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down. . . . Chuck Norris doesn't endorse, he tells America how it's gonna be."

Is Huckabee saying that we should vote for him because Chuck Norris says so?

Well, maybe, but probably not.

Huckabee said he wanted the ad to increase interest in his campaign. This has certainly happened. News programs continue to run the ad at no cost to the Huckabee campaign. The ad also has had nearly a million hits on YouTube. Huckabee also said he wanted to remind voters that presidential campaigns should be fun.

Nothing is undervalued in political campaigning as much as humor -- unless it's honesty.

Humor can cut through the tedious babble of a campaign. It reduces the distance between the candidate and voters. The Huckabee ad, for instance, makes the candidate appear like he's regular folk. We want our presidents to be honest, fair, confident and decisive. But we also want them to be regular folk.

No president used humor better than Abraham Lincoln. In the television age, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan, who had little in common with the common people, nevertheless, used their sense of humor to connect with them.

Television commercials offer candidates their best opportunity to connect with voters. Commercials aren't meant to reveal everything about a candidate. They should, however, reveal something distinctive about him or her. Because candidates are paying for the ad, they have considerable control over what impression they want to leave with viewers. But what impression are they leaving?

Some candidates, such as former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, pay a lot of money for commercials. As anyone living in a state with an early primary knows, Romney's commercials take the air more often than planes at O'Hare Airport.

Romney's commercials reveal that the candidate is rich -- or how else could he afford to run so many television ads? From his ads, viewers also learn that he's physically fit, has nice hair, and was once a successful businessman. In his early commercials, Romney, speaking directly to viewers, had little to say; he appeared earnest, but his ideas were predictable, even trite.

Now, as Huckabee has become the front runner, Romney's campaign has gone on the attack. Romney now appears annoyed, defensive, even desperate, and, yes, humorless.

Should we vote for Mike Huckabee for president because he appears to have a sense of humor? No. But we also shouldn't vote for a candidate because her husband was president, because the candidate was a television actor, or because Oprah -- or Chuck Norris -- tells us to vote for a particular person.

Political campaigns tend to be risk adverse, which explains, in part, why there is so little humor in television commercials. There's also a mistaken impression that humor isn't presidential. We can't very well have someone like Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy or Ronald Reagan in the White House, can we?

Chris Lamb is a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston. His latest book is I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns and Ripostes. He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu

Washington Post, December 15, 2007

2007-12-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

From Pericles to Obama
Thursday's Democratic debate added to a long and noble tradition of poltical putdowns.
By Chris Lamb
Saturday, December 15, 2007
12:00 AM
During Thursday's debate among the Democratic presidential hopefuls, Sen. Barack Obama was asked how he would shift U.S. foreign policy in a different direction, given that several of his advisers once worked for President Bill Clinton. "I want to hear that," Sen. Hillary Clinton chimed in, provoking laughter. Obama waited a moment, and then quipped: "Well, Hillary, I'm looking forward to you advising me as well." It was Obama who got the last laugh.
A sharp comeback can be a potent political weapon. But, so far, the current presidential campaign has been long on sound and fury and short on memorable exchanges between politicians.
That wasn't always the case. Here are 10 of the best political comebacks in history, as they've been passed down in the political lore.
1. British Prime Minister Winston Churchill is said to have been drinking at a party when he bumped into Bessie Braddock, a prudish political opponent. "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk," Braddock said.
"And Bessie, you are ugly," Churchill said. And then, after a pause, he added: "I'll be sober in the morning."
2. There's also the story about Churchill's encounter with Lady Nancy Astor, who told him: "If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee."
"If you were my wife," Churchill replied, "I would drink it."
3. American presidency scholar Richard Norton Smith likes to cite a campaign-trail exchange between Stephen Douglas and Abraham Lincoln. Douglas claimed that Lincoln had been selling whiskey when they first met.
Lincoln made no attempt to dispute the charge. He agreed that he once worked as a storekeeper. "Many a time have I stood on one side of the counter," he said, "and sold Mr. Douglas whiskey on the other side."
4. In 1921, Agnes Macphail became the first woman elected to the Canadian House of Commons. Not all of her colleagues welcomed her. One tried to embarrass her by asking, "Don't you wish you were a man?"
"No," Macphail replied. "Don't you?"
5. When Huey Long was governor of Louisiana, he supposedly told then-Texas Governor James "Pa" Ferguson: "If there had been a back door at the Alamo, there wouldn't have been a Texas."
"But there there was a back door -- and that's why there's a Louisiana," Ferguson said.
6. Sen. Henry Clay of Kentucky and Sen. Daniel Webster of Massachusetts were sitting outside a Washington hotel when, according to legend, a man walked by with a pack of mules. "Clay, there goes a number of your Kentucky constituents," Webster said.
"Yes," Clay replied, "they must be on their way to Massachusetts to teach school."
7. Then-Sen. Fritz Hollings (D-S.C.) once found himself in an elevator with the diminutive -- but self-assured -- then-Sen. John Tower (R-Tex.), who puffed out his chest to show off the expensive suit he'd just purchased. "What do you think?" Tower asked.
"It's very nice, but does it come in men's sizes?" Hollings replied.
8. During a 1986 debate agsinst Hollings, challenger Henry McMaster asked his opponent to take a drug test.
"I'll take a drug test if you'll take an IQ test," Hollings responded.
9. In the 5th century B.C., Alcibiades debated his uncle, the Greek orator Pericles. "When I was your age, Alcibiades, I talked just the way you are now talking," Pericles said.
"If only I had known you, Pericles, when you were at your best," Alcibiades said.
10. John Wilkes, an 18th-century political reformer, was involved in a particularly angry exchange with John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, who said to Wilkes, "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox!"
Wilkes responded, "That, sir, depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
The writer is a communication professor at the College of Charleston and author of "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes."
var comments_url = "http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/14/AR2007121401486_Comments.html" ;
var article_id = "AR2007121401486" ;

Daytona Beach News-Journal

2007-12-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

Originally appeared on News-Journal Online
/Footnote/colFOOT120907.htm

December 08, 2007
Three-dot courtroom follow-ups
By MARK LANE FOOTNOTE
As a full-service columnist, I feel bad when I bring something up, declare it's vitally worth paying attention to, and then never pay attention to it again.
When several stories beg for quick updates, there's only one thing to do: Declare Follow-up Sunday, pull open the asterisks drawer, and get to work.
* * *
In this dreary season of dozen-candidate political debates, it's easy to forget past eras when political back-and-forth was sharper, less canned.
That was brought home last week when Chis Lamb, an academic, author and former News-Journal reporter, sent me a copy of his new book "I'll Be Sober in the Morning --Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns and Ripostes" published by Frontline Press.
It's a hard-to-put-down paperback with one bon mot per page. And some of the mots are pretty darned bon. They're arranged chronologically from Alcibiades to George W. Bush. (If I had a dime for every time I wrote those two names together in a sentence . . .)
Lots of good, mean-spirited fun.
mark.lane@news-jrnl.com
© 2007 News-Journal Corporation. ® www.news-journalonline.com. Do not republish or distribute without permission

South Carolina Statehouse Report

2007-12-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

When politicians are comedians

By CHRIS LAMB
Professor,
College of Charleston
Special to SC Statehouse Report

Note: In this new weekly feature, we profile various opinions about everything from issues of public policy to comments on the political system, such as the humorous piece provided today.. We encourage you to submit op-ed opinions of up to 600 words. Learn more.

DEC. 7, 2007, Charleston, S.C. -- In October, Stephen Colbert announced on his comedy program, "The Colbert Report," that he would be a candidate for the presidency. Colbert introduced his campaign with all of the cheap gimmickry of a seasoned politician, entering the television studio pulled by a bicycle pedaled by Uncle Sam. Colbert then propped his feet on a bale of hay and cracked open a beer bottle to demonstrate he was "an average Joe."
It would be easy to question Colbert's sincerity. But the 43-year-old satirist didn't come to his decision lightly. His announcement, he admitted, came after many anxious minutes.
"After nearly 15 minutes of soul-searching, I have heard the call," he said.
Colbert's candidacy challenged traditional presidential campaigns. For one thing, he said he was running as a Republican and a Democrat - or a Republicrat. Secondly, he said he planned only to run in South Carolina, testing the old political maxim, "As South Carolina goes, so goes southern North Carolina and parts of eastern Georgia."
Colbert's candidacy was aborted when the South Carolina Democratic Party refused to put the comedian's name on the ballot. Party leaders complained Colbert would make a mockery out of the political process. When pressed further, they admitted they could make a mockery of the political process without any help from an outsider.
South Carolina, traditionally, prefers its politicians to be punch lines and not comedians. There have, of course, been exceptions.
The last comedian who ran for the presidency was another South Carolinian, US Sen. "Fritz" Hollings. During his presidential run in 1984, Hollings and the other Democratic candidates were discussing their qualifications before a crowd of voters. After US Sen. John Glenn droned at length about his historic orbit as an astronaut in 1962, Hollings turned to Glenn and said, "But what have you done in this world?" Hollings got the laughs but came up short on votes and eventually dropped out of the race.
Lamb's new book is on political ripostes and comebacks. More.
When Hollings was running for re-election to the US Senate in 1986, his Republican opponent Henry McMaster inexplicably challenged Hollings, then in his 70s, to take a drug test, during a television debate. "I'll take a drug test," Hollings snapped, "if you'll take an IQ test."
Hollings's South Carolina colleague in the US Senate for decades was the robust Strom Thurmond, who took considerable pride in his obligations as a public servant. Few politicians, for instance, got closer to their female constituency than Thurmond. This became a source of admiration and humor.
At Thurmond's 100th birthday party, a member of his staff remarked: "I see so many people here today who Strom Thurmond has touched - and some he even squeezed." The speaker continued: "There are several things Strom would never miss - a peach parade, a Senate vote, or the opening of a Hooters restaurant." When the physically fit Thurmond married a woman 40 years his junior, a Senate colleague joked: "He's found someone he can practice his push-ups on."
When Thurmond retired from the Senate, Democrat Alex Sanders sought Thurmond's seat. If Sanders had won, South Carolina would've been represented by Hollings and Sanders, achieving the distinction of having arguably the two funniest members of the US Senate serving the state.
As Sanders campaigned, he would often tell the story of the Jewish fellow who left South Carolina, moved to New York and became a Communist. Eventually, he returned home and ran a store in a small town full of Klansmen. The FBI threatened to expose him to his neighbors if he didn't cooperate with the bureau's investigation of Communist activists. On his way home, the man saw an old-fashioned Gospel tent meeting, where he accepted Jesus as his savior and confessed all his sins, including having been a Communist.
"Well," Sanders said, "people in the South just love those who have fallen into sin and ask forgiveness. And Klansmen don't have much sympathy for the FBI. He never had any trouble in town after that."

Chris Lamb, a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston, is the author of a new book, "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns and Ripostes," which was published in November by Frontline Press. He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu.

The Charleston City Paper

2007-12-03T04:48:00.000-08:00

I'll Be Sober In the Morning, touts a collection of great political comebacks, putdowns and ripostes. Here are a few zingers:
• When Rev. Edward Everett Hale was chaplain of the U.S. Senate, he was asked if he prayed for the Senators. "No," he said. "I look at the Senators and pray for the country."
• When a TV reporter was interviewing New York Mayor Ed Koch, he pressed the mayor on an issue. Koch, clearly frustrated, leaned closer to the reporter and said, "I can explain this to you; I can't comprehend it for you."
• During a television debate against Sen. Fritz Hollings in 1986, Republican Henry McMaster challenged his opponent to take a drug test. "I'll take a drug test," Hollings said, "if you'll take an IQ test."
• After Press Secretary Bill Moyers delivered grace over dinner, President Lyndon Johnson complained to Moyers that he couldn't hear him. "Mr. President," replied Moyers, "I wasn't speaking to you."
I'll Be Sober is edited by College of Charleston professor Chris Lamb, illustrated by City Paper cartoonist Steve Steglin, and published by columnist Will Moredock from Frontline Press. —Greg Hambrick

Charleston Post and Courier article

2007-11-26T05:36:00.000-08:00

Like a switchblade, best quips cut deep
C of C prof's book focuses on politics
By Aubrey Straub
The Post and Courier
Sunday, November 25, 2007
C of C prof's book focuses on politics

Today's overly orchestrated political debates and scripted responses have largely pushed out the harsh and often hilarious one-liners of classic campaign rhetoric. Perhaps modern-day politicians could pick up a few tips from a College of Charleston communication professor's new book that compiles some of history's great political quips.

"I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Putdowns, Comebacks, and Ripostes," edited by professor Chris Lamb, is a collection of humorous and biting comebacks that past politicians used to score points and silence opponents.

"I don't think I'll have to revise the book anytime soon," Lamb said. "The media want their politicians to be glib and shrill. Political consultants want their candidates to stay on script. They undervalue humor."

Lamb concedes that there has been at least one humorous quote in the current presidential campaign. Lynne Cheney, the wife of Vice President Dick Cheney, announced that she had discovered her husband was a distant relative of Sen. Barack Obama.

"When the Obama camp heard their candidate was related to Dick Cheney, a spokesman said, 'Well, every family has its black sheep,'" Lamb said.

The collection also features comebacks from Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Cicero and even South Carolina's own Fritz Hollings.

The former U.S. senator once delivered a zinger during a televised debate when an opponent challenged Hollings to take a drug test. "I'll take a drug test," Hollings snapped, "if you'll take an IQ test."

The book, released this month, includes several putdowns and retorts from former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, whose acidic quips contributed to the title.

At a party one evening, a heavily intoxicated Churchill bumped into Bessie Braddock, a parliament member. "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk," Braddock scolded him.

Churchill responded, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."

This comeback was one of Lamb's favorites. "I like it because it's short, sweet and to the point," Lamb said. "There wasn't anything Braddock could say."

Lamb said comebacks and putdowns helped him hold his own growing up in a big family.

"Comebacks are simply one upping someone else. Putdowns are different. The person who delivers a putdown isn't interested in getting a chuckle," he said. "The best putdowns are like switchblades — short and to the point. They cut deeply and leave a scar."

Reach Aubrey Straub at astraub@postandcourier.com.

Sober is published

2007-10-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

NEWS RELEASE

November 1, 2007 Contact: Chris Lamb, Professor
5 College Way
Dept. of Communication
College of Charleston
843-953-6591, w lambc@cofc.edu

`I’ll Be Sober in the Morning’ Book Includes Best Political Putdowns

CHARLESTON, S.C. – British Prime Minister Winston Churchill had been drinking heavily at a party and bumped into Bessie Braddock, a Socialist parliament member

"Mr. Churchill, you are drunk," Braddock said harshly.

Churchill paused and said, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I’ll be sober in the morning."

The ability to fire off a sharp comeback that leaves a rival or heckler red-faced and speechless can be a potent political weapon. In a war of words, few could stand up to Winston Churchill.

“I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Putdowns, Comebacks, and Ripostes,” edited by Chris Lamb and published by Frontline Press, is a must-read to survive the interminable 2008 political campaign. In “I’ll Be Sober in the Morning,” you’ll find punishing putdowns like this:

John Wilkes, the 18th-century British political reformer, was debating John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, in Parliament. The exchange kept increasing in bile until Montagu shouted at Wilkes that he would either die on the gallows or of venereal disease. To which Wilkes responded, “That, sir, depends on whether I first embrace your Lordship’s principles or your Lordship’s mistresses.”

No record exists of Montagu’s response, or if he even had one. He probably put what was left of his manhood in a thimble and skulked away in silence. To this day, no one has delivered a comeback so devastating and so spontaneous.

Below are samples from “I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Putdowns, Comebacks, and Ripostes.” For a copy of the book, call Chris Lamb at 843-953-6591 or e-mail lambc@cofc.edu.

During one of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, the incumbent U.S. Sen. Stephen Douglas told a conservative audience that he had once seen Lincoln selling whiskey. When it was his turn to speak, Lincoln made no attempt to dispute the charge. He agreed that he had once worked as a bartender. “I was on one side of the bar serving drinks,” Lincoln said, “and Douglas was on the other side drinking them.”

A political opponent charged New York Gov. Al Smith with telling lies about him. "You ought to be glad," Smith replied. "If I told the truth about you, they'd run you out of town."

When Woodrow Wilson was governor of New Jersey, he was informed that one of the state's U.S. senators had died and it would therefore be up to Wilson to appoint a replacement. Shortly thereafter, a state politician called Wilson and said, "Mr. Governor, I'd like to take the senator's place."
"It's OK with me,” Wilson replied, “if it's okay with the undertaker."

One evening a nervous soprano struggled hopelessly before president Calvin Coolidge at a White House recital. “What do you think of the singer’s execution?” one of the guests asked Coolidge. Coolidge paused and then quietly answered, “I’m all for it.”

During a congressional debate an opponent shouted at the diminutive U.S. Sen. A.H. Stephens, "You little know nothing, I could swallow you whole and never know I had eaten anything." Stephens then fired back, "And if you did that, you would have more brains in your belly than you have in your head."

Former Georgia governor Herman Talmadge was asked what would be the effect of all the people moving from Georgia to Florida. "I am sure it will enhance the level of intelligence of both states," Talmadge said.

During an exchange in Parliament, Lady Nancy Astor snarled at Winston Churchill and said: “If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee.” Churchill replied, “If you were my wife, Nancy, I’d drink it.”

---

High Art of Political Putdowns

2007-10-22T05:35:00.001-07:00

OTHER VIEWS
The high art of political putdowns
Chris Lamb Special to the Sentinel
October 21, 2007

John Wilkes, the 18th-century British political reformer, was debating John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, in the House of Parliament. The exchange kept increasing in bile until Montagu shouted at Wilkes that he would either die on the gallows or of venereal disease.

To which Wilkes responded, "That, sir, depends on whether I first embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistresses."

There's no record of Montagu's response, or if he even had one. He probably put what was left of his manhood in a thimble and skulked away in silence.
To this day, no one has delivered a comeback so devastating and so spontaneous. In the rough-andtumble world of political debates, one hopes to have the last word. Republican presidential hopefuls will look for their opportunities tonight in Orlando.

In the last Republican debate two weeks ago, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney addressed the long presidential campaign and took a swipe at former U.S. Sen. Fred Thompson, the former Law and Order actor who had finally entered the race after much speculation."This is a lot like Law and Order, senator," Romney said. "It has a huge cast, the series seems to be on forever, and Fred Thompson shows up at the end."

Thompson then replied: "And to think, I thought I was going to be the best actor on stage."

Thompson's line received a few chuckles.

In a battle of wits, few were the equal of British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. During a debate with Nancy Astor, a bitter rival, Astor snapped: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee." Churchill calmly replied: "If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it."

Churchill once revealed the secret behind the spontaneous putdown when he said, "All the best off-the-cuff remarks are prepared days beforehand."

In modern American politics, the most famous comeback belongs to Lloyd Bentsen, Michael Dukakis' running mate in the 1988 presidential election. Dukakis' opponent, George Herbert Walker Bush, had selected Dan Quayle as his running mate. The youthful Quayle tried to dismiss concerns about his inexperience by comparing himself to John F. Kennedy when JFK ran for president in 1960.

Quayle's advisers cautioned him against bringing up the JFK comparison during his nationally televised debate with Bentsen.Quayle ignored the advice, saying, "I have as much experience as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency."

Bentsen was waiting: "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine," Bentsen said calmly before landing the knockout punch. "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."Bush-Quayle won the election.

But Bentsen's putdown left Quayle forever tainted as a punchline in American politics.

Churchill, Bentsen and others have used the riposte as a potent political weapon.Others have used it to swat away an opponent's unwanted advances. During a television debate, Henry McMaster, the Republican candidate for U.S. Senate in South Carolina, challenged the incumbent, Fritz Hollings, then in his 70s, to take a drug test.

"I'll take a drug test," Hollings snapped, "if you'll take an IQ test."

Politics isn't just a blood sport; it's a spectator sport. New York Gov. Al Smith was delivering a campaign speech when someone in the audience yelled, "Tell us all you know, Al, it won't take long!"

To which Smith replied, "Better yet, I'll tell them all we both know, and it won't take any longer!"What the 2008 presidential campaign has thus lacked in clever repartee, it's more than made up for in smug sanctimony.

At the risk of overstating the obvious, we could really use someone like Abraham Lincoln.During one of the Lincoln- Douglas debates, the incumbent U.S. Sen. Stephen Douglas told a conservative audience that he had once seen Lincoln selling whiskey. When it was his turn to speak, Lincoln made no attempt to dispute the charge. He agreed that he had once worked as a bartender.

"I was on one side of the bar serving drinks," Lincoln said, "and Douglas was on the other side drinking them."

Chris Lamb is a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston. His most recent book is "I'll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns and Ripostes," which will be published in November by Frontline Press. He can be reached at lambc@cofc.edu.

Lynne Cheney - Dick Cheney -- Barack Obama

2007-10-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

Strange bedfellows:

Vice President Dick Cheney is related to Sen. Barack Obama.
At least that was the stunning announcement made yesterday by Lynne Cheney, who said that the very white vice president from Wyoming is in fact the eighth cousin of Obama, the Senate's only African American member. She said she discovered the link, traced back to a Huguenot who figured prominently in Maryland history, while researching her latest book.

Obama, whose mother was white, did not immediately comment on the revelation. But his campaign made light of the tie, without confirming it. "Obviously, Dick Cheney is the black sheep of the family," Obama spokesman Bill Burton said

Fred Thompson -- Mitt Romney exchange

2007-10-22T05:23:00.001-07:00

Fred Thompson -- Mitt Romney exchange
Toward the end of the Republican debate, Fred Thompson took a lighter tone as he discussed his late entrance into the race.
"I've enjoyed watching these fellas," he said. "I've got to admit, it was getting a little boring without me, but I'm glad to be here now."
Earlier, Mitt Romney compared the contest for the nomination to the television drama "Law & Order," in which Thompson portrayed a district attorney: "It has a huge cast, the series seems to go on forever, and Fred Thompson shows up at the end.""And to think I thought I was going to be the best actor on the stage," Thompson responded with a smile

Interview with the author of I'll Be Sober in the Morning

2007-10-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

A Few Questions With Chris Lamb,
Author
I’ll Be Sober in the Morning: Great Political Comebacks, Putdowns, and Ripostes

Q1: What’s your favorite comeback in I’ll Be Sober in the Morning?
A: The 18th-century British politician John Wilkes was involved in a nasty exchange with his rival John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, who yelled at Wilkes that he would either die on the gallows or of venereal disease. Wilkes then replied, “That, sir, depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”

Q2: How did the Earl of Sandwich respond?
A: Probably by collecting what was left of his manhood, putting it in a thimble, and then skulking away quietly.

Q3: In your introduction, you write that the comeback and putdown “come from the dark side of the brain?” What do you mean?
A: The person who delivers the putdown isn’t interested in getting a chuckle. Putdowns aren’t jokes, they’re assaults; they’re intended to leave their victim skulking away with their manhood in a thimble.

Q4: Based on the quotes in your book, who was the person you would most like to spend an evening with?
A: Calvin Coolidge. I like quiet evenings at home. Coolidge had that rare charisma that he could walk into an empty room and blend in. When he died, Dorothy Parker said, “How could they tell?” It’s a great line. I don’t know why it’s not in the book.

Q5: Who was the person in your book you would least like to spend an evening with.
A: Joseph Stalin. Mass murderers don’t tend to be a lot of fun. I’m not speaking from personal experience here, just a gut feeling.

Q6: You don’t typically find Stalin quoted in humor books, do you?
A: I think this is probably one of the few humor books that quote Stalin. When told that Pope Pius objected to the Soviet Union’s plans to invade Poland, Stalin asked: “How many divisions does the Pope command?” When told of Stalin’s answer, the Pope replied, “You may tell my son Joseph he will meet my divisions in heaven.” That may not seem particularly funny to you but it had the Archbishops slapping their knees for weeks.

Q 7: What’s the secret to delivering a spontaneous putdown?
A: Winston Churchill, who contributed the book’s title, said, “All the best off-the-cuff remarks are prepared days beforehand.”

Q8: How does one do this?
A: Lloyd Bentsen, the Democratic vice presidential candidate in 1988, knew that Dan Quayle, the Republican vice presidential candidate, had been comparing himself to John F. Kennedy. During the vice presidential debate, Bentsen waited for his moment. When Quayle compared himself to JFK, Bentsen responded with his “I knew JFK and you’re no JFK” line.

Q9: Who, among recent politicians, was the best at the putdown?
A: “Fritz” Hollings of South Carolina. During a television debate, one of his opponents, for unknown reasons, challenged Hollings, then in his 70s, to a drug test. “I’ll take a drug test,” Hollings snapped, “if you’ll take an IQ test.”

Q10: Do you expect any memorable comebacks by any of the candidates currently running for president?
A: No. For two reasons. Humor comes about as naturally to this bunch as knitting to a bear. Secondly, the ability to deliver a clever riposte isn’t the kind of thing that’s rewarded in politics. Political campaigns and the news media want everything choreographed and predictable. If a candidate delivered a comeback, like the ones found in this book, the candidate’s media consultants would spontaneously combust and the media would bury the candidate as too mean to be president.

Q11: Didn’t the media say that Senator Bob Dole’s humor was too mean-spirited when he ran for president?
A: It was Dole who was mean-spirited. There was nothing wrong with his humor. During the Reagan presidency, the three living former presidents, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford and Richard Nixon were standing side by side at a White House event when Dole observed, “There they are. See no evil, hear no evil,” and then pausing to look at Nixon, he said, “And evil.”

Q12: Do you think politicians shy away from using humor because there’s an impression that humor isn’t dignified for a president.
A: Maybe. We can’t very well have someone like Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, or Winston Churchill running the country, can we?

Q13: What inspired you to compile I’ll Be Sober in the Morning.
A: How else would my name get in a book like this?

Q14: What did you learn about politics and politicians from compiling this book?
A: We should be electing the wits. Instead, we’re electing the twits.